Image by tpeñalver via Flickr

Sometimes our dreams feel so far away, lost upon a crooked path that never seems to lead directly to anywhere we want to go. There are distractions and deviations along the way; when we finally get past those, it seems we're still slogging uphill like Sisyphus (though hopefully without the boulder).

I say I want to write. I better damn well do it, no matter where that path goes. I should follow it and follow my dreams, but I keep finding ways to stray, and other dreams poke their head in and say, "hey, remember me? how you used to like to do fill in the blank?" and I'll nod and look longingly at the piano or the easel (the one I don't have, so the analogy breaks down a bit here) or the web design or the whatever-caught-my-fancy-today.

Discipline, that's what I need. Anyone know where I can find any?

There was supposed to be a party tonight, but it's off, so I better use the night to my advantage. Let's see what happens. Motivation, I'm looking at you!

Posted by Jen at 12:43 PM | Permalink |

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Image by Photo Maiden via Flickr

Mike thinks I'm afraid of writing. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm afraid of what would happen when I finally finish a novel. What on earth would I do then? I don't know. The unknown is frightening and all that...It's the Year of the Tiger. Isn't that supposed to inspire courage? Yes, according to this site: "This courageous and fiery fighter is admired by the ancient Chinese as the sign that keeps away the three main tragedies of a household. These are fire, thieves and ghosts." Let's have none of those, please. Let's be brave and write together, shall we?

(ETA, this site says in the chinese zodiac, monkeys are the "erratic geniuses." If that's not me, I don't know what is.)

I finally bought Scrivener, with my NaNo 09 winner discount, so now I really need to use it. I've even got some ideas for the next few chapters. And I could start adding my previous (mostly all unfinished) to Scrivener and use its nifty features to figure out how I can get them done. I really want to be a writer, I do. But my motivation is non-existent. I've got to get over that. Really.

Will someone hold me to the writing? I always say I want more money. Well, writing wouldn't get me much, but it would be more.

Posted by Jen at 1:43 PM | Permalink |

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