Image by tpeñalver via Flickr

Sometimes our dreams feel so far away, lost upon a crooked path that never seems to lead directly to anywhere we want to go. There are distractions and deviations along the way; when we finally get past those, it seems we're still slogging uphill like Sisyphus (though hopefully without the boulder).

I say I want to write. I better damn well do it, no matter where that path goes. I should follow it and follow my dreams, but I keep finding ways to stray, and other dreams poke their head in and say, "hey, remember me? how you used to like to do fill in the blank?" and I'll nod and look longingly at the piano or the easel (the one I don't have, so the analogy breaks down a bit here) or the web design or the whatever-caught-my-fancy-today.

Discipline, that's what I need. Anyone know where I can find any?

There was supposed to be a party tonight, but it's off, so I better use the night to my advantage. Let's see what happens. Motivation, I'm looking at you!

file under: muses , writings Posted by Jen at 12:43 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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There was a rainbow in the east while I was walking home, and it made me smile.

That is all.

  Outlander, Diana Gabaldon
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 6:04 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I'm terminally behind in my reading of Newsweek to which my mother's friend Debbie so thoughtfully subscribed me. So if you read that mag, you might recognize this quote from the Last Word essay of the Aug 18/25 issue:

If people make assumptions about you simply on the basis of your appearance all your life, assumptions ranging from criminality to sloth to unearned opportunity, it can make you bitter and hard and cynical. That none of those things is part of the Obama character means that he has turned his particular version of the race card into an ace and is using it to play with the full deck. That is not a deficit. It is an advantage.

(source: Anna Quindlen's "The Caucasian Card")

It just resonated with me. Earlier in the article she talks about how Obama's race is indivisible from his campaign. He *is* black, he can't help mentioning his experiences from that circumstance. But he isn't a stereotype, thank goodness.

I don't like getting too political in public. I think it's probably obvious that I'm a liberal. Honestly, if someone feels differently and can articulate it, then more power to them. But please, please think first before you make a decision.

  Perfect Time of Day, Howie Day
  Ysabel, Guy Gavriel Kay
file under: muses , politics Posted by Jen at 9:15 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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See what you look like as a guy or a baby or an anime character with this fun site. This is their idea of me as a Mucha painting. Too bad I'm not really that pretty!

Gotta go buy a digital converter. Silly government coupons expiring.

  Daughter of Ancients, Carol Berg
file under: art , muses Posted by Jen at 5:19 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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from here.

[Fiction] Friday Challenge for March 14, 2008:

Backstory: Tell about your characters feelings toward animals, and why she feels that way.

Aislinn is a character in my 2007 NaNo novel. She is the daughter of a king, and knew she was destined to give her life to the forest surrounding the castle since she was a young girl. She rides the forest often, loves her hunting horse, notices the little people and especially the groom in the stables. Since the world I set this novel in is your typical quasi-medieval sorta English countryside (it was supposed to be real England once, but I lost the time to do research), people know how to hunt. They use bows and spears, but I'd like to think that they do somewhat like the American Indians did: they thank their deity for the animal that gives up its life so that they might live. Aislinn has never had a pet, not unless you consider a horse a pet (and she doesn't, not when her mare derives as much joy from running as she does), but there were always dogs racing around the great hall, scrounging for bones. She tolerates them but makes sure they don't follow her to her rooms.

She has a soft spot for deer and rabbits.

  Oh My God, Jars of Clay
  Renegade's Magic, Robin Hobb
file under: muses , writings Posted by Jen at 12:34 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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When I think about him, I smile. I know he'll smile when he reads this.

First snowfall of the year, and it's a beaut. I was basically told that there was no excuse for us techs not to come in to work tomorrow unless the University shuts down (unlikely) because we have those wonderful free Metro passes. Hopefully it will stick around long enough for snow angels but not interfere too badly with Mardi Gras/Super Bowl (whose idea was that? Gonna be quite a few people calling in sick on Monday, I bet...)

stay warm.

  Faerie Tale, Raymond Feist
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 11:15 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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We are what we believe we are. C. S. Lewis

So I have to believe I am a writer. And I really have to get Bastian out of that tree.

Back to work.

file under: muses , writings Posted by Jen at 8:45 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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May 2008 bring you nothing but good things.

I had a thought today that writing is my own personal kind of magic. I can make anything I want to happen, whenever and however I want, exactly the way I see it in my head. I get to shape things to my desire, until the story takes on a life of its own and runs away to do its own thing.

If I can't have magic for real, at least I can do it by writing.

Bonne annee!

  Split Screen Sadness, John Mayer
  Dust, Elizabeth Bear
file under: celebration , muses Posted by Jen at 5:26 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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We find in life exactly what we put into it. --Ralph Waldo Emerson.

This is one of my most favorite quotes. I knew I had it laying around somewhere...

  30 Seconds to Mars, From Yesterday, off A Beautiful Lie

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 12:03 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Got an email from Friere Jesus today. mmm, spam.

Also cleaning out a smelly freezer. Joy.

But the over-priced Josh Groban CD that I got from Hallmark last night was worth it. Even if only for one song. Or two.

It makes me sad to realize that I haven't written a word of T6R since January. Nothing saved to a file, anyway. There are all sorts of notes and things written on my last hard copy. So if I lose my bag, I'm SOL. But there are other things on my mind. Soon, I hope, I'll have some time to devote to writing.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 4:48 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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because there's a lot of things going on right now. and I'm procrastinating as usual. seemed appropriate to quote a little John Mayer.

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
I try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
I don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From finding life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I will never stop this train

I really need to finish writing a novel. I should have bought the Writer's Market with my gift card.

  John Mayer, Stop this Train

file under: muses , music Posted by Jen at 11:48 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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It doesn't seem quite fair that I should be sore after doing something altruistic, but that doesn't mean it isn't so. Last Saturday I helped lay laminate flooring in a bedroom of one of the Habitat for Humanity houses, and I bet you can guess how happy my knees were with that...but I know how to do it, at least a full-floating floor type, and I can use a jigsaw and a miter saw and I watched as someone else used a table saw...oh, and I can still hammer with the best of them. But my knees, and my back, and my inner thighs are saying, why didn't you have kneepads?

At least I feel accomplished. If creaky.

And I am absurdly excited that NaNo starts in a month. Why can't I get excited about other things the way I do about writing?

And I'm still waiting on the med school app. I've delivered forms to all my recommenders, so here's hoping they have something nice to say. Keep those fingers crossed.

Anyone with ideas on how to write a journal review paper?

  , Cecilia Dart-Thorton
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:19 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I think I finally have another roommate I like. Thank goodness. Hopefully I won't have jinxed it by committing it to paper, er, blog. She's very nice, a grad student at WU, and has two cats. She's not too much younger than me, and we seem to have quite a bit in common (we even have the same laptop--go Apple!). Since I have someone to share the bill, we got hi-speed internet too, joy of all joys. Here's hoping we can actually *do* the self-install.

So, welcome to September. I can't believe school's back in session again. Seasons just keep marching on. I've had two Biochemistry classes so far, and luckily it's been stuff I've seen before, though I'll certainly have to break out my old Orgo book and take a look at things. Is it silly to be mad that we have to write a journal-review paper (at least I think that's what it will be) that's due on Dec 1? Recall that I've done NaNoWriMo for the last two years, and I already have an idea for it...I don't know if I'll be able to do classwork, a class paper, AND write 50k words worth of fluff all in November. Guess we'll see...

Tomorrow is my first Habitat for Humanity build. I've got to figure out what clothes I have I don't mind getting dirty. I wonder how many times I'll get to do it; Saturdays seem to be precious commodities these days, what with HfH and my mom's shows and finishing up the anthology (which I finally turned in, after much procrastination on everyone's part).

On a side note, I saw my cousin Trevor today. He just graduated from school and was interviewing for a job at the med school. I had decided to walk to work today instead of taking the shuttle, and I'm glad I did, or else I wouldn't have seen him. Good luck, cuz!

Hopefully I can get my med school app in this weekend. And cross your fingers on that one.

  A Million Years, Teddy Geiger
  Forest Mage, Robin Hobb
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:26 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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It's almost time for a birthday

There's been rather a lot going on here, but it's kept me busy. Beware my loquaciousness.

Last night was my last regular softball game, because I'm signed up for Biochemistry on thursday nights. Hopefully I'll be able to play some make-up games, as long as they're on another night than thurs...why is everything on thurs. nights? Anyway, after we won (and I didn't make a single hit--I struck out, how fair is that, in my last game?) we headed over to this pub called Harry's. Normally it has good, if simple, food and relatively fast servers. But last night we were there for at least 15 minutes before the waitress even looked at us, then another 15 or so before she brought beer, for those of us who drank it (not I). Some more time goes by, and variously the members of our party either went to find the server/manager, or went to the bathroom It took about an hour for the server to tell us there was only one cook in the kitchen and they were swamped, but we should get food soon. Another quarter hour later the manager comes out with a free pitcher of beer and says our order ticket had been lost, hence the no food. Perhaps 20 minutes after that it finally came. By that time one guy had left, since he had to be up early. We got to the place about 8:20 pm and got our food a little after 10 pm. And yes, after all that, everything was free.

The other big story is that my most recent roommate moved out. She decided that she needed to be closer to school (and to be fair, she doesn't have a car and has an 8 am class, so it would suck a little to have to take public transportation every day). I probably would have tried it for a while, but she was only here two months or so. She also wasn't satisfied with our relationship, but then neither was I. I feel a bit of a failure, though, like I didn't try hard enough to make it work. Regardless of why it happened, I'm back in the roommate hunt. I've had more offers than I expected, esp. with school starting next week, but this weekend will be sort of crazy, with the aforementioned birthday...

I spent so much money at the grocery store. I hope people come by and eat things. Though I guess it would be amazing if I actually ran out of food, because that would mean I have enough friends to do so. Oy. I get paid next week, which is very good. However, next week is the last week of August, and I have not yet submitted my med school app. Hopefully once this weekend is over, I can get it all ready to go. Keep those fingers and toes crossed, folks.

One of these days I've got to go through all my stuff and figure out what I can sell. You'd think with all the people needing to get rich quick that there would be an easy way to do so. Eh. And genies really do live in lamps.

  Freedom, George Michael
  The Darkest Hours, a Spider-man novel by Jim Butcher
file under: muses , serious Posted by Jen at 11:50 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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One day, I will have a music room, filled with instruments. A piano, of course, but perhaps a digital one in addition to the classic baby grand, so I can transcribe the notes directly onto computer. A hammered dulcimer, certainly. Wind chimes, near a window. A drum set, perhaps, but not just the snares and bass; hand drums (what are they called in Gaelic?) shakers...a brass instrument here or there...

and I will know how to play them all.

But I especially want the hammered dulcimer.

(Still working on the med school essay. Just signed up for biochemistry this fall. Decided to not worry about it kicking my ass, even though it probably will, because Bernard, a coworker, told me not to. And as the song says:
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.)

  Magnatune's Hammered Dulcimer podcast

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 11:05 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Cleaned most of the apartment today. I can't tell you how happy that makes me. It's even nicer that my roommate helped out. I had to ask her to do so (I hope I managed to do so nicely) but she did a good job. Definitely seems like she's a little unused to cleaning up after herself, but hopefully that is something we can work on. Ah, to be young and without responsibility.

It's times like these when I realize how much of a Virgo I am. I'm not normally anal about cleaning, but when I get into it, I really do. And it bugs me when things aren't in their place. Don't get me wrong, my room is as messy as a teenager's, but I know where things are. There is a pathway to my bed and by golly it's going to stay open. I like the spaces that I occupy to be, if not clean, at least inhabitable, and it makes me angry when they're not. My mother pointed out to me that having a roommate is a great preparation for being married, as the future Mr. Whoever will certainly have his quirks that I can't stand, but will have to, because it's the right thing to do. I hope that I have learned patience; I certainly have learned that if I want something a certain way, I usually have to do it myself. Which is okay.

  The Curse of Chalion, Lois McMaster Bujold
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 2:38 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend. Somewhere along in the bitterness. And I would have stayed up with you all night. Had I known how to save a life.

It's Bastille Day, or at least it was. I had a croissant in commemoration. Joie.

Unfortunately it just means this is another Friday that I spend alone. It's odd, sometimes, to think of just how many of these I've gone through. Each one seems difficult. You'd think that after a while I'd find something to do to get me through, something that works each time. Obviously I haven't died of loneliness yet, but damn if I hate being bored.

I wish I was one of those confident people who could go out alone and still find a party. I wouldn't know the first place to look. I want to take a road trip. but the practical side of me says, Hey, what about that money you don't have? I feel infinitely old at those times.

Today on the CBS Morning Show they gave away a vacation to a woman, a mother, who had never been on a trip, never went to a fancy restaurant, who raised her kid alone after her husband died, never having the means to travel. I don't want to be that woman, unless someone is planning on sending me a on a free vaca.

I can't stand the waiting, but I don't know how to start.

  One More Girl, The Wreckers
  The Bourne Supremacy, Robert Ludlum
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 9:20 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Because I've never posted it before, and it's inspirational. Also, it's a Monday before a holiday, and I'm a bit bored here at work.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what
peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without
surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth
quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the
ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive
persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or
bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than
yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep
interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real
possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of
trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many
persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of
heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither
be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and
disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the
counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But
do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are
born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less
than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And
whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is
unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to
be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy
confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham,
drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be
cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

--- Max Ehrmann, 1927

  KT Tunstall, Under the Weather

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:21 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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MCAT scores came out today. No, I won't tell you what I got, except to say that I did better than last time.

But.

I don't feel great about them. I had hoped for a little more elevation in score. It's nice to see that what I studied the hardest did indeed show the greatest improvement. But I actually went down in something that I thought would have been easier due to the classes I was taking. At least my writing is better. Given my luck, the median score will go up with mine, and I'll be exactly mediocre...again.

I guess it's possible that I might get in with those scores. But then it's equally possible that I would do much better in physical therapy. Course, I would have to take the GRE again. Sigh.

On the upside, I'm definitely joining the Browncoats. (Watch out, long one.)

A friend (I guess he's still a friend, just a friend) finally got me to watch the tv show Firefly, which was created by Joss Whedon, of Buffy and Angel fame. I remember when it came out, and recall being a little turned off by the "space western" theme. Westerns aren't my thing. It also wasn't on air very long; Fox, being the strange entity that it is, cancelled it after 11 episodes. But it gained a cult following, and now I can see why.

It's a lot of fun, very clever and funny in a lot of parts. Unfortunately my first exposure to a lot of the actors in the show was when they made guest spots on Buffy or Angel, and I didn't like their characters, so I didn't particularly want to see them in anything else. But they won me over. It's pretty amazing, the story they were able to tell in so short a time. I do wish there was more.

But wait! There is more! There's a movie, Serenity, for which, serendipitously enough, I just had a Border's coupon. It was only $10. Whee! So back on the 10th, after some rather disappointing news, I took myself to Best Buy and bought the entire series of Firefly , the tv soundtrack...and a digital piano.

We now interrupt your journaling for a rather odd story.

I was pretty upset by the disappointing news, so I decided to pick up Firefly to make myself feel better. Best Buy had the cheapest retail price, so I went there. On a whim, I took at look at their digital pianos. I'd seen good reviews for one of them, and since I was not feeling so hot, decided to buy it too. *bank account cringes*

I figured I should check out Circuit City, just across the way, which sometimes has better prices, or Border's to see if they had Firefly for less. I trekked to those places, fruitlessly, and so headed back to Best Buy. By this time the weather, previously hot and sunny, turned grey and prepared to rain. If I hadn't taken the price check trip, this wouldn't have bothered me, but...

Back at the store, I asked someone to help me get the box up to the register (88-key pianos are quite large, you know?) and was waiting for an associate when the power went out. Now, it's odd enough when the power goes out in your home or whatnot, but in a big store like that it's so weird to go from bright glaring light to the little illumination of emergency lights. Apparently whenever the power's out at a store like this, all the computers reboot and upload things, which takes a pretty long time, and we had to wait until they finished. Slowly appliances came back on, tvs started showing their loops, and one by one, the lights came on. I would guess it was less than 10 minutes until power was restored, but it's quite eerie to be in a place that's normally so bright when it's just half-lit.

Of course I had to ask for help again, and when I finally got checked out and ready to head to the car, it decided to start pouring. Big fat drops, too. I managed to get the sturdy box into the car (not without trouble and much wet) and home, and no damage to either. However...

My car has a sunroof, installed by the previous owner. DO NOT get a sunroof installed in your car unless it comes factory-installed! They leak anyway, but third-party sunroofs are awful for it. Admittedly it might have gotten a little off kilter when that silly person rear-ended me three years ago, but this is insane. I think the rain has to be in a certain direction and coming down for a long enough time, but for two days after that torrential storm the front seats were soaked. Not a pleasant feeling to sit down on one of those! I can't figure out where the drain tubes are, either, so I can't check to see if they're clogged. Eventually the car dried out. All good, until the next storm.

Anyway, back to the story. I finished the last few episodes of Firefly on Saturday and watched Serenity later in the afternoon. I wish I hadn't had to watch it alone. It would have been better with the friend. Sigh. The day was good, overall, having brunch with Ross and picking up a MIDI interface and an Apple Jam Pack so my piano can connect to my computer and make symphonic melodies. Then it was home for Father's day. Good times. My finances don't like me, but I'm pretty content, considering the middling MCAT scores and being tired today from an early study.

Guess it's back to it. Thank goodness for heading to Champaign this weekend.

Oh, I have a new roommate. She's nice, but v. young. I might have to teach her a few things about living in an apartment, once I've gotten over paying the newly-raised rent. I'll try to be better about writing here. Sometimes it's just not something you can put into words.

I'm rather amazed you went this far. Leave me a comment to show you care, eh?

  California Baylor, Elizabethtown soundtrack
  rereading Prophesy, Elizabeth Haydon
file under: education , muses , music Posted by Jen at 10:42 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Ever have those times when you just don't know what to do with yourself? Work has been utterly unfulfilling, and even though I'm in the middle of a good book, this is certainly a time when I wish I had someone to go out with on a saturday night.

I seem to have quite a few people saying 'we need to talk' lately. Never a good thing.

And though hope springs eternal, sometimes it gets pretty squashed. le sigh

  Kushiel's Scion, Jaqueline Carey
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 6:15 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Do you ever have the feeling where you're pretty certain good things are coming but you're unwilling to let yourself hope for them too much on the chance that things might fall through? Yeah.

I find myself smiling, just thinking about it. Then I try not to think about it, because it's distracting (yes, I do in fact have a story for the St. Louis Writer's Meetup Anthology, and no, it's not finished, and yes, it's due Wednesday). And I hope it's true. But things like this don't happen to me, at least not for a long time.

It's scary and exciting all at once.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 12:47 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Today being 3/14, it's National Pi Day. You know, everyone's favorite irrational number π. If you can actually recite any other numerals in said irrational number other than the classic 3.14, kudos to you. Now if I could only remember how to solve a cube root. And don't tell me it's whatever goes into the number 3 times. I know that. But when you have 5.2^-7 and you need to cube root that, I am FUBAR'd.

It's also Einstein's birthday. Here's to everyone's favorite wild-haired professor. Thank you for making advanced science much more complicated, but I suppose that's relative...

Getting evaluations is nerve-wracking, even if you know that you're doing ok. And yay for getting a day off, though isn't the purpose of taking a vacation day when you have oodles of them to not have to make them up? oh well. I will, and that's all.

So I have two weeks to figure out if I'm staying or going with this apartment. I love how I have to give nearly three months notice. Why oh why do they have to raise the rent? Things were going so well...what are your thoughts?

  MCAT Physical Sciences Notes, which my daddy procured for me even though I'm not taking a class. Joy.
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 1:18 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So in a half hour it will be officially winter, though it's been making a pretty strenuous case for moving the date earlier, as cold as it's been. I hope you are all staying warm and have gotten all your Christmas shopping done. I think I made it...think I have all my cards sent out...now all I have to do is save, save, save until I go to Vegas in January. Strange how we made plans for this so long ago and now it's here. I wish I could feel secure in the knowledge that I'll win some money down there, but as I'm not going there to gamble, it's a pretty foolish desire. Yeah, yeah, I know, Vegas=gambling, but I want to see the sights, not give up my money in some venture where it's highly unlikely that I will get it back.

I wonder if I will get a raise. Silly to not know, I suppose, but I'm not exactly in a job where I can say, yeah, I deserve more. It's just a stupid cost-of-living concern, really. Darn gas going up.

Random thought: There's going to be a Dresden Files series on SciFi (darn not having basic cable! Couldn't pay for it anyway) that I just heard about today, and I wanted to find the books at home. I found all that I have minus the first book in the series...it's disappeared and I can't think where to. I did, however, find the rebate receipt for Star Wars Episode III that I forgot to mail off. Alas.

One of these days I'll talk about how I liked the Chronicles of Narnia so much that I saw it twice (once with Ross, yay!) and would see it again, possibly with the 'rents during my upcoming time off (thank the Lord!), my thoughts on Harry Potter 4 (which I saw opening day, in costume, natch) and the various fun things (insert sarcasm here) going on at work. But not tonight. You'll have to deal with my random drivel for a little while longer until I think of something pertinent to say.

At least my room smells pretty: thank Heaven for Pier 1's O'Tannenbaum candle. It's green and piney. Whee.

  Mystic Warrior: The Bronze Canticles, vol 1
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 11:27 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Monday was a good day. Tuesday was a slightly weird day. Wednesday was a tiring day, and Thursday it snowed. A lot. Today, I'm just tired, though quite happy that Narnia comes out today. Too bad I won't be able to see it until at least tomorrow...

First, to whomever appropriated my blue and green knit hat, affectionately known as the 'fungus' hat by some of my friends, may it keep you warm. I cannot believe that I've managed to lose both the hats that I've knitted for myself over two winters. Sigh. I had actually started crocheting a new one the day before I lost the previous, but it won't be done for a while, even if I figure out how to go faster. Sigh. I hope this doesn't turn out to be a yearly trend. Luckily I have more yarn, so maybe I'll be able to make replicas. Sheesh.

Monday was a pretty good day. I had to study for my final A&P test of the semester (not a comprehensive final, thank goodness) but work was not too demanding so that was good. On top of that, I received the Medal of Honor soundtrack (selected cues were used in the Seabiscuit trailer) and Mystery, Alaska on DVD (which has a great soundtrack by the same person who scored A Knight's Tale, though it's not available commercially) which, for some reason, has its opening titles in French. The rest of the movie is in English, so I'm not complaining. Then came the test, and because of the fantastic professor, I know that I only missed one, which is better that last test's two wrong answers. Yahoo. At least the lecture part of the class is going well.

Which sort of leads me to Tuesday. Tuesday was a study day (read: early), which didn't go horribly, other than the fact that the subject's veins kept moving when the IV was being placed (ew). The weird part was that two emails had been sent out to the WUMS community asking for volunteers for ongoing or future studies. The one on Monday asked for obese men, and has lots of time requirements, so we didn't get an overwhelming response. The one on Tuesday, however, was for lean women, and apparently a whole lot of them want to be part of a research study. My phone literally rang the second I walked in the door. I hung up on a few people before I realized how to switch lines, as there were several times when potential volunteers called at the same time I was on with another subject. Oops. Did I ever tell you how I don't like talking on the phone? I always feel a bit discombobulated, especially so with this because *so many* people called in such a short time, and we only needed one (ain't it always the way). With the large amounts of volunteers, we filled that spot quickly, but we'll have a new study early next year, so yay built-in subjects...

All those subjects meant that even though it was a study day and I could leave earlier than I normally do, I couldn't. And of course, I had somewhere to be...at the lab for the continuing dissection of the cat. Oh joy. What is it about the preservative solution that makes everything smell like it for the rest of the day? Ugh. Thank goodness it's almost over. My lab partner and I have one more meeting to label the thing, then our lab practical on Thursday, and that's the end of the semester. Whee. Until next year, unless I can't come up with the extra $250 lab fee. Stupid cat, costing me money...Maybe I'll win it in Vegas

Mustn't forget about the fact that there was a water main break near the apartment tuesday night. When I got home from lab and HAD to go to the bathroom, there was no water, and thus nothing but red sludge in the toliet. Luckily I could go home and get dinner from my parents AND use their water. What a deal. Thank you, thank you to the wonderful folks who had fixed the main by the time I got home.

Wednesday, I was reading YASRN (yet another stupid romance novel) since I have none in my life, and lo and behold, it not only has reference to Harry Potter (Voldemort) but to LotR (Legolas). Huh. Strange little coincidences. Anyway, the hump day was tiring because I got up early for a study that had been scheduled the previous day, and then it turned out that the guy decided he wouldn't be able to come, nor would he be able to participate in the study. Sigh. And the people were still calling, so that made the day interesting. I was getting really excited for Narnia, watching the supertrailer several times The soundtrack is by Harry Gregson-Williams, the same guy who did Kingdom of Heaven's soundtrack, and there are definite similarities, but this one is exciting and different I found out today that one of the stores in the area will get the special edition in store, but ONLY ONE. So I'll try to go by this weekend and reserve it if I can.

Thursday...thursday it snowed. SO COLD! It was a pretty snow but damn was it a bitch to drive in. And come on, people, just because you have an SUV does not mean that you can drive like the roads aren't covered in snow. Turn your lights on and drive like a responsible person! Sigh. St. Louis drivers really aren't very good with bad weather. Still people calling.

Today...would you believe that it took me about a week to get this entry written? I kept not being able to finish it, so I tacked on another day Today wasn't so bad, but for the early morning. Another study day, but even earlier than usual. DAMN it was cold this morning. I had a really hard time convincing myself to get out of my warm bed. But I made it, eventually.

Tonight the 'rents and the aunt (who just signed the papers for her house! Yay!) will head over to the Art Museum to see the 'Treasures of Ur' or whatever it's called, and then tomorrow hopefully we'll catch Narnia. Maybe with a friend It's very cold, with negative windchill temperatures, but tomorrow it's supposed to be in the forties. Gotta love St. Louis weather.

Stay warm, all of you, and think happy Christmas-tree thoughts! (Hopefully I'll get one this weekend )

  My very battered copy of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 2:12 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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They started the demolition of Busch Stadium today. Apparently it was a bit anticlimatic since not much of the actual wrecking could be seen. It was decided that the stadium couldn't be imploded for safety reasons. It would have been spectacular. Ah well. Better safe than sorry.

I'll miss the old beast, even if I didn't really spend much time there. It was just such a quintessential part of St. Louis, and soon it will be gone. But out with the old, in with the new, etc, etc.

I wore my "I write books" pin (courtesy of the folks at NaNo) and no one noticed...until I was walking down the hall to deliver the tracers for the study tomorrow, and who did I encounter but one of the fellow StL NaNo'ers. Small world, innit?

did you ever get the feeling
that we started in the middle
or have you ever have the sense
that we were lying just a little
i mean come on
its not like we knew ourselves that long

  Tracing, John Mayer

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:00 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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It's weird to be without a computer. There are days when I don't touch it at all, it just sits there resting quietly on my desk, the white light of sleep pulsing slowly...then there are days when I spend hours on it. But when you don't have it, you think of all the things you do with it, that you'd really like to do rightnow and can't. Like I would have told my story to some friends on AIM. Or wrote down a few ideas for the story. Man my hand is going to be cramped for a few days.

Sounds like I'll be lucky to get the comp back on Wednesday, since I got to the store too late yesterday to have it shipped off to the repair depot that day, and it will probably take them about a week. Wednesday is not too bad, it's only the 2nd of November, but it's still two days where I can't write at night. Cece has volunteered her laptop, but I can't monopolize it for the 1st week of NaNo if I don't have a comp. Sigh. Anyone have a spare comp they'd let me borrow for a week?

Also have to cross your fingers and pray that the hard drive doesn't get wiped. Apparently the repair place is like an assembly line, they run some diagnostic tests and then send the comp to wherever the repair for the crucked part is. And if the diagnostic test finds that something in the hard drive is corrupt, it might get replaced or wiped, even if that's not what was originally wrong, and that's not cool. The genius at the store (that's what they call themselves. Not joking. They certainly know more than I do about Macs) said it was probably a logic board problem, something with the video output, which has nothing to do with the hd, so I'm to understand, and only 1% of computers come back with a wiped drive, but still. *sniff* I still have the old computer with all the OS 9 stuff on it, hard as it is to read, but I really don't want to have to transfer it.

Just to make me feel better, I got a notice today from Yahoo! that my account (which I've had for years) was deactivated due to violation of terms of service. You know me, I don't send out spam, I don't post lewd pictures. I don't use my Yahoo Mail account anyway, so I couldn't do that through email.If that's happening, it's because someone else is using my account fraudulently. I listen to LAUNCH, I use Yahoo Groups and am on a few mailing lists through Yahoo. I play games there and look for movie information. If that's an inactive account, I'd hate to see an active. So hopefully that will get taken care of, but I'm still waiting for an answer to the email I sent back in reply.

It's never easy. But then again, if it were easy, everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:07 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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The world is wide, and I will not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum. --Frances Willard

Kingdom of Heaven, the Etown score, and Lifefrom Ricky Martin (yes, that Ricky Martin) all come out today. I'm excited. I'll have time tonight to head to the store (there's even rebates at FYE! Score!) after I talk to one of the deans from WU Arts & Sciences about med school. I feel like such a n00b about it. I don't even really know the proper progression of what happens once you're in it. That and I have to write essays. And find science teachers for evaluation purposes. Natch. But anyway, once I've spent they very little money I can this week, I'll be a happy camper since I will have Orlando goodness to watch. Whee! Maybe I can remember to pick up a new notebook at the campus bookstore, as it seems I've lost mine. *tear* all those ideas. Hopefully I'll find it, but it's not looking good.

Happier note, I found out that I did in fact get 100 on my A&P test, which just rocks my socks. I hope that the next one can be so high. I have a lab practical exam this week, which I suppose I should prepare for...I've probably mentioned it before, but usually I do better in labs than I do in the lecture. Here it's the opposite. Oh well. Study harder. Why oh why didn't I do that when I was actually in college? Ah, hindsight.

Still waiting on those MCAT scores. Oh, and the contents pages (linked above) have been migrated to MT. So there's nothing new, just makes it easier on me to put something new there when I finally do get a chance. Best be off to work.

file under: movies , muses , music , orlando Posted by Jen at 12:11 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So, I went to my last game at Busch Stadium (well, the original Busch Stadium, anyway) last night. I think it was my first game at Busch in about seven years. I'm sure I've told you how every time I actually attended a game in the past, the Cardinals (bless their souls) lost. Even when I went with my dad on Father's Day and got to sit in the Post-Dispatch box, they lost. It was sad. And then when I stopped going to the games (because they stopped giving me free tickets for getting straight A's...ah, the days of high school when I actually got straight A's...) and just occasionally watched the games on tv, they lost. It got to be that I just didn't want to pay attention. It was like if I ignored the games, then they'd wiin. Sometimes it would work, sometimes not. Though of course last year when they went to the World Series and majorly flopped against the Red Sox (wonder how that movie Fever Pitch is selling in our town, since it's got the ignoble loss of our Cards to said Sox in it) and I was paying attention...see, they lost.

So, last night I went with my parents, they'd gotten some free tickets for the terrace (read: highest level) along the left field line. Good seats, as it turned out, because it rained a little last night during the game but since we were so high up, we were underneath the distinctive arches so we didn't get rained on at all. Yay! I got to see two home runs (Edmonds in the 1st and Molina [Yadier? His first name is really Yadier?] in the 2nd), which was glorious, but unfortunately there were no fireworks, since I think they're trying to save money. Oh well. The Cards were winning until the 7th inning even though they had only gotten 5 hits (vs the Pirates' 17 or something like that) when the Pirates tied up the game. Boo! The Cards went through three pitchers that inning, and alas that Chris Carpenter didn't get his 22nd win. He pitched well until that inning though, so go him. Finally the Cards got some hits in the 8th but no runs...so onto the 9th with a tie. We held 'em til it was our turn, then Hector Luna gets on base and steals 2nd, to be in scoring position...and then Eckstein made a nice base hit that ESPN termed a 'bloop' but allowed Luna to score, so yay! We won! And I was there! Yahoo! I just hope they can keep winning.

The magic number is down to two. If the Cards win today they'll have a tie on the division championship...if Houston loses they'll be the champs! Go Cards! I would really love to see you be able to play the World Series at Busch one more time (and make a better showing than last year!)...

So, softball stuff and biking stuff now.

The softball tournament was last weekend, but it was rather shorter than last year's marathon. We won one, we lost one. I don't even know what the scores were other than we won the first by at least 10 and we lost the second by at least that much, since both games ended in the 5th inning because one team was ahead by at least 10. Let's hear it for odd little league rules. The first game we figured was a lock, since we'd played the Thursday night version of the team, and they weren't very good, and yes, we won. Nothing spectacular, I did get to cross homeplate a few times, and the lady ump was almost hit by a couple of bats (by someone on the other team) and she wasn't too happy about that. I can't remember if it was a shut-out or not. Bad Jen, not keeping track of scoring. [Side note: I looked at the scorecard for that game and was utterly bewildered. It's been a long time since I've scored a ball game, and I don't remember any of the little conventions.]

The second game was against a team that we've never beat (except, my teammates told me, last year in the tournament when we barely won and royally pissed them off. So I guess this was payback). They really shouldn't be in this league. They're way too competitive for the rest of the teams that they play against, and they've obviously got people who play softball for actual teams (or at least more than just one night a week during the summer). They win a lot of games because of that 10-run rule, and it just seems like they should find another league that actually tests their skills instead of letting them beat up on other teams. Not bitter I am, no. Anyway, we weren't getting any breaks against them...neither of the fields had been dragged (or mowed) so there was grass all over the infield. Two grounders came my way and they hit a patch of grass and bounced clear over my head. It didn't help that it had been pretty dry and hot so the ground was hard as a rock. Stupid field. I really don't like SB7. If you're ever at Tower Grove Park and you want to play a ball game, use BB1 instead. Usually. Unfortunately both fields were in dire need of dragging and mowing, but since I don't even know if we actually scored a run at SB7 I suppose I can't lay it all on the field. Oh well. We figured we would lose that one. Luckily we had already had our end-of-season bbq (with yellow jackets and mosquitos, natch) and we were prepared for a long one, so it was nice to be able to go home and sleep, which I did.

On Sunday, I helped Kate relearn how to ride a bike, since she wants to have the proper experience for her practicum. Go Kate! I'm proud of you! She's a little bit shorter than I am, though, so we had to adjust several things so she could ride. But ride she did, all along the nice flat parts of the Forest Park trail, and I rollerbladed with her. So yay for working out. Then later that night we watched Hello, Dolly! (well hello, Dolly!) and saw the Anheiser Busch clydesdales (which never meant much to California-girl Kate before, lol) and I saw Almost Famous for the first time. Good stuff! I'm hopeful for Elizabethtown, since it's the same director and in a similar style. I've read some bad reviews on it, but of course I'll still see it, because Orlando rocks my socks and I don't care what you think about that The week ETown comes out will be a good one, Orli-wise, since Kingdom of Heaven comes out on DVD the tuesday before the movie opens.

Wish me luck on the Anatomy & Physiology class. Looks like it will be interesting to take but not easy to learn.

Go Cards!

  Elizabethtown Soundtrack & Switchfoot's new one: Nothing is Sound

file under: celebration , getmoving , muses Posted by Jen at 9:32 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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From Elizabethtown Official Movie Site - Directed by Cameron Crowe, recently updated with a cute little journal mockup courtesy of everyone's favorite flight attendant, Claire. You really should read it. I want someone to make a cool map for me like she does for Drew...

Lala Salama Safari Njema-Inshallah. Tutazumguza Kesho. Ndege Yako. A Swahili benediction meaning, "Sleep well. Travel Safely - God Willing. We'll speak tomorrow." I just thought it was cute.

I really hope they release the score to this movie. The site was just updated to include short samples of the songs picked for the soundtrack, but the score is sweet and simple and beautiful, and I want it.

Another good quote from the journal: "Our brightest blazes are often kindled by unexpected sparks." Samuel Johnson. Also learned that gin is useful for repelling mosquitos. Who knew? It disinfects and drives the nasties away!

Guess it's time for lunch.

  Drew's Theme, ETown sdtk

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 12:56 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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From winterson.com: three stories. A transcript of Steve Jobs' speech to the 2005 Stanford graduates.

"...stewart and his team put out several issues of the whole earth catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. it was the mid-1970s, and i was your age. on the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. beneath it were the words: "stay hungry. stay foolish." it was their farewell message as they signed off. stay hungry. stay foolish. and i have always wished that for myself. and now, as you graduate to begin anew, i wish that for you."

BTW, this site also has the wonderful mistranslation of Star Wars: Episode III as mentioned in my blogspot. Read it. You will laugh.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 11:36 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So on the Today show this morning there was a girl who was born with Spina Bifida which affected, among other things, the formation of one of her feet. Because of infection and other things and after 57 surgeries she ended up having the lower leg amputated, but is doing just fine as a sophomore in high school with her prosthetic. She lives in Oklahoma, and as part of the Today Show's Christmas in July, she received a full scholarship to OK State with tuition, room and board, and books for four years, whenever she gets to college.

I'm happy for the girl, but I'll admit a certain bit of jealousy that she got the full scholarship. Because then I think that even though I was 3rd in my high school class I didn't get a full ride anywhere. Almost at Mizzou, where I probably should have gone. All because I fell in love with Wash U while a frosh in hs. Sigh. I'd really love to not be paying off student loans right now. Seems like I keep having super huge emergency payments due (mostly centered around the car, bless its little 12-year-old heart, er, engine) so I'm not making any money, seems like. Cece talks about getting a second job. I don't want to do that, but it sure would be nice to actually have money coming in instead of paying it out. At least I have a nice bike out of it...

I'm turning into an old woman. It's sad. My glasses prescription went up a notch in both eyes. Boo for myopia. And I have meetings next month to discuss 'retirement planning' aka investments which scare me, since I know next to nothing about investing other than when we played the Stock Market Game in my gifted class in middle school I did pretty well with my 'st. louis stocks.' And I still haven't finished Novare, which is sort of infuriating. But I feel like if I have time to write I have time to study for the MCAT--

EEEEEKKKK! (freakout moment. Less than a month away, now)

--and thus shouldn't be wasting time writing. It's not wasting time, I know, but it's a C activity, since it doesn't EVER have to be done, while MCAT is certainly and A activity. Sigh. Good news is that I'll be able to take off some days next week. About time. Probably won't be able to take any off for a while. Suppose, if I am to entertain the idea broached by Alex of going to Vegas with some of his psych friends I would have to schedule it now Hopefully by the end of the year all these study things will be going perfectly and someone can help me out. Ah the joys of having too many vacation days and not enough time to use them.

There are days when I feel like I'm still wandering around clueless at work, and I feel so young there. I mean, I know there are other people close in age (there's a girl who just graduated sitting next to me, for heaven's sake) but I definitely feel like everyone else knows what they're doing and I don't. Alas. And I've still got kidlike tendencies, what with Harry Potter and playing outdoors and tapdance...perhaps I'll finally get to take a class next semester. We'll see, I guess.

I hope I didn't bore you to tears. Not too much exciting happening here. I have to be at work early the next three days in a row, which is sad. Thank goodness the car is working so I don't have to get up an extra hour earlier to catch the shuttle. I hope your life is more exciting than mine. Perhaps it would be better if I had more sleep

So now I'll have to choose what to write about for NaNo, if I am able to do it...I have two interesting ideas which probably can't be combined and one good opening sentence which possibly could be for either. We'll see.

Better get going to the writer's meetup, then. Au revoir!

  Bring Me to Life, Evanescence, on the Anywhere But Home album
  The Nameless Day, Sara Douglass
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:27 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Wow, it's been a while, eh? I'd like to say that I've been busy. Mostly, I have been. But I've also been lazy. Regardless, let's see what I can remember about the last few weeks.

Most recently: Hello debt, to borrow a phrase from my legal-but-not-yet-moved-in roommate. I bought a bike yesterday. It's a Novara Aspen, and it's green. Part of it, anyway. And since my bike that was stolen had the lock and the headlights and the bar ends and the seat pack and the bottle holder on it, I needed those too. And a kickstand. Though I'm a little confused as to how/where to put the one I got on. I love installing things (only a little sarcasm there) but sometimes the simplest things have me muddled. Anyway, it's a very nice bike, and I'm happy, but dear Lord it cost alot. But it's an investment, and it's certainly staying inside now.

Yesterday could be termed an investment day, I suppose. Not only did I get the bike, I got some things at Target that could also be considered investing in my job. Clothes and the like. While there's no dress code at work, I still feel underdressed sometimes, especially now that I'll be working with human subjects as opposed to rats. Speaking of human studies, I have to recruit people for the new study I'll be working on. Joy of all joys. Did I ever mention how calling people is freaky for me? At least it's not cold-calling. These people volunteered for a study, so at least they know a call might be coming. I'm glad that I'll have things to do (and thankful I have a job at all) but it's scary to have something coming up that I know so little about. It's very new and I'm a little apprehensive. What if I can't handle it, what if I do something wrong? Boo nervousness. At least it's comforting that most of the people working on the study with me are new to it too, no one's done this yet, so we're all floating in the boat of newness. Yeah.

I don't know if I can consider wine glasses an investment, but at least now I can indulge my fledging wine tastes in actual glasses instead of cups that were once jam jars. The amount of money spent this weekend is staggering though. No more spending for Jen. I'm an REI co-op member, which means I get a percentage back of what I spend there. I've successfully made more of a dividend with yesterday's one purchase than I've made the last two years. Yikes.

My cousin comes into town today with her boyfriend, though for all I know she could be in town already. Does that make me a bad cousin? We used to be so close. Course, her being in Ohio does sort of cut down on the togetherness factor. Hope we get to do some stuff before she heads down to Texas to meet his folks. This could be serious. Man, I need a boyfriend.

You're all familiar with the Jen's Roommate Show, right? So technically I have a new roommate. Legally, I mean. She's signed the lease. The old one expired June 30, so I can call her my roommie, but she can't actually move in yet. Olga just got back from Colombia after two weeks, when she was supposed to be back on Thursday and moved out yesterday. Today Cece was supposed to move in. I've even got the mattress set in the living room to prove it. Unfortunately Cesar (Olga's bf) got pneumonia down there and ended up in the hospital for three days, hence the delayed return, as flying with pneumonia would be a bad idea. And through some miscommunication the person she was supposed to move in with for the month or so that she would still be in town wasn't able to get an apartment, so Olga needs to find a place to go. I feel very bad for her, since legally she needs to move out. But she's a friend and you don't just kick out your friends. But Cece wants to move in, understandably. Olga asked for a week to sort things out. I hope things will work out, and soon. I'm really disliking this 'work out at the last minute' trend that seems to be happnening.

Poor Olga. All that and the airport lost one of her suitcases. She came home to the apartment, dropped off her stuff, told me her story, and left pretty soon after to go to work at her lab. She's got to catch up on the stuff she was supposed to do last week when she got back. What a day. What a week.

The ants are gone, and the air conditioning, while on all the freaking time (though funnily enough just went off as I typed that) is only making weird vibrating noises off and on instead of every ten seconds like it was two weeks ago. Life is reasonable, if not good.

Oh yeah. I think I got a raise.

  Grave Peril, Jim Butcher
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 1:19 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Lord of the stellar rings
Random note: This marks the three year anniversary of entries in this particular blog. ATTS has been around for three years, but about two months of the original entries were 'closed' in Greymatter, my previous blogging software, and as such, they didn't get transferred. So instead you get some holy shit. I love my little 'on this day' module on the sidebar.

Punzie mentioned on her LJ how she had lots of questions, and to sum it up, she used this:
loveandthequestionsofsexandfutureand
universityandcareerandfamilyandchildrenonedayandwheredoifitin
Basically, questions that any teenager on the cusp of starting out on their own would be asking. Unfortunately even if you answer your 19-year-old self's questions, there will always be the 20 y/o's questions to answer, and the 21 y/o's (though those might be slightly easier due to the possibly inebriated state they are asked in) and the 22 y/o's...I'm asking questions, what do I want to do with my life, am I really right in thinking of med school, would I really be able to make a living as a writer, am I even capable of finishing a story, since I've been working on bloody Moonstone for a decade. I suppose som questions you can never really answer, or the answer keeps changing. There are definitely times when I wish I knew what was going to happen in my life, and if I could get some certainty that yes, you will finish the novel or yes, you will be a good doctor or no, med school is the wrong choice. Que sera, sera, je suppose. As much as I think fortunetelling is a bit of a quack, I wish someone could give me a glimmer.

Lots of superfluous quizzes, if you read on.

Your Virgo Drinking Style

Hey brainiac, you are compelled to impose order onto your bender. Your famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure... But it could also lead to drinking booze neatly (like sucking down organic wine or having extreme brand loyalty). You rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when you do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

Your Signature Cocktails

Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita, though you can be found drinking anything from unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty virgin. You also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari and soda. However, you rarely change your signature drink once you've found it.

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies

Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Keanu Reeves, Nicole Richie, Bill Murray, Jada Pinkett Smith, Adam Sandler, and Ricki Lake.

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

  Academ's Fury, Jim Butcher (who lives in Missouri! Yay!)
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:53 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. --Alfred Lord Tennyson

Welcome to another steamy St. Louis summer. Just in time for the summer solstice we have 90-degree temperatures and the humidity is rising.

I'm also sick, alas. It started last weekend when I went to Champaign with Kate to visit Alex and Leo for a joint birthday/new apartment weekend...which was fun, including berry-picking, swimming, Evil Dead: A Fistful of Boomstick, drinking games, and Batman Begins. But opened screen doors at night+Jen=allergies and sinus headaches, which is not fun, and two nights of not-so-good sleep probably opened the door for this. (A&L: it's not your fault. I never sleep well at new places and I was tired when I got there.)

At least my car's AC got fixed (for a while anyway...cross your fingers that it lasts the summer, at least) and the 'rents and I are going to see Beauty and the Beast tonight at the Muny, so there's happiness. The job is going ok, haven't had anything massively scary yet, but I keep seeing July looming ahead of me when there are supposedly going to be huge amounts of studies going on. Eek! Ah well. Can't worry about it now.

Must concentrate on getting better and learning ApoB study. Whee! Er.

  Earthsea soundtrack
  About to start A Secret Atlas, Michael A Stackpole. Want to find Furies of Calderon because my dad brought home the 2nd book
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 9:24 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I'm quite happy since I finally saw the musical 'Into the Woods' performed onstage again. Alas I wasn't it it, more's the pity. But the WU Performing Arts Department's performance of the musical was quite good. The sets were minimal but well-done, most of the singing was just as it should be, and the Princes were great. I was hoping that it would be good, since I remembered Into the Woods fondly from when it was performed at my high school freshman year (I was almost in it, until I realized that I didn't have enough time to practice the piano music to be in the orchestra, man that was a blow). But happily it lived up to my expectations. Yay.

I'm not happy because today's experiment in lab just left me drained, and I didn't finish some of the things I had to do. It's a three part lab, where we have to identify three unknown organic products. At least I have two weeks to finish it, and I know what class my compounds are in, but jeez. I still have to find melting and boiling points and do a Tollen's test, which might be pretty since it's supposed to indicate the presence of an aldehyde by precipitating silver on the sides of the test tube (yes, actual silver, the metal) but I don't think I have an aldehyde, so it might not be. boo. And my Hinsberg test while not a bust was quite 'flaky' to quote my professor. sheesh. I hope it ends up working.

Last week at work was a bit stressful since on tuesday I had an ELISA just fail on me. No results at all, not even bad ones. So of course we have to troubleshoot that. There is a chance it's something that I did, but I'm in the region on 98% sure that I followed the instructions properly. Of course the tech support people at the company don't want to say it might be their product, but this kit was among the first of a lot so it's possible that something's not working on their end. Of course, it seems that the only way to test the possible culprit is to do the test over again, the whole long test, which is a pain and also hard to justify because it would take up wells that we need to use for sample later. sigh. at least I finally have a transfer interview with human resources so I can get on finding a new job.

I'd like to be able to stay at WU, they have wonderful benefits and I really want to keep my apartment nearby. But obviously I need to have a job first before I can keep the apartment, but if I do find a job, I need to find a roommate as well, since Olga wants to move out to California with her boyfriend. (What is it with me and the trend of having roomies leaving to move in with bf's? same as me getting let go because there is no money, I guess. ah, irony). And the lease comes up in June, so I have to get on things. boo stress!

I still have to see Robots and Sin City. But we're closer and closer to Kingdom of Heaven! Yay!

  Josh Groban: Remember Me (Troy Soundtrack)
  Son of Avonar, Carol Berg
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 7:57 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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...just a few bits of goodness.
Free php and perl scripts has a good php guestbook. The cgi one I've got has been spammed lately (only a little, compared to the comment/trackback spam I get on the blog, thank goodness for MT-Blacklist) but it would be nice to have a better (php) book.

Find out how fast you type, from Beccary. I think I might put this little module on my site, sometime...

I got things set up on our new account for the family website. So hopefully (before my mom's show this weekend, anyway) all will be well and I can stop thinking about that and start thinking about orgo test and report, resume, new job, new roommate. Perhaps not always in that order.

I did find out that my job actually lasts until May 30th, so that's a very good thing...and the first paper to ever feature Jennifer Shew as an author is now out in the Archives of Internal Medicine. If you've got access to medical journals, why don't you check it out? Luigi Fontana is first author. Still makes me feel weird that while my name is on the paper and I did do the substantial job of data acquisition, I didn't actually write the paper. it's a little odd. But exciting I don't think I'll ever get an actual copy of the journal, but I do have the pdf. Yay for the electronic age.

  Celtic Dance
  The Grand Crusade, Michael A. Stackpole. Wonderful!
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:19 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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FYI: this is a long ramble about the state of Jen...feel free to mosey right past it.

I really, truly want this. It's a 61-key MIDI controller that can be used for input into GarageBand, part of iLife, which comes standard on new iBooks. I like the program already, but I really want a method of recording music onto the computer (aspirations of songwriting, don't you know), and this keyboard looks like the way to do it. It's only got 61 keys, yes, but it's got an octave shifter so theoretically you could get the whole enchilada on a smaller keyboard. Of course, the one song that I will have memorized for the rest of my life (thanks mom) does in fact take up the entire keyboard, so I wonder if you could program a shift while you're playing? Hmm. Of course, from reading the previous entry you know that I won't have a job in a month, so 'tis bad to covet things now. I do have a tax refund coming soon, once I do my taxes, but a) who knows how big it will be and b) I really ought to save that for whatever else life sends down the road, since it seems I've had quite a bit of unexpected 'episodes' occur recently. And I want to get a new bike as well, especially since they're forcasting an entire summer of $2/gallon gas. Ugh.

Here at the end of all things (I'm sorry, I couldn't resist a LotR reference) I'm beginning to wonder if I'm really cut out for science. I mean, I adore science, I adore learning and understanding technical stuff, and I do hope to someday make the world a better place in some small way, but I don't know if I'll be able to do it in the scientific world. Even though I've been working for nearly three years in the field, I still feel like there's something I'm missing. I'm not smart enough, quick enough, knowledgeable enough for it. It's possibly something that I'm *not* doing, not being enough of something, or maybe it's just not right for me.

The person I interviewed with yesterday (which I suppose went well, but I'm not sure I'm the person they're looking for) asked what my goals were, and when I told her about possibly looking into medical school, she asked if the huge workload and classes leading up to it scared me, and I had to answer that it did. Frankly, anyone who goes into that without a little bit of fear is either insanely smart, or possibly just insane. I know it would be a great way to 'help the world in some small way,' to make a difference, would it be worth the heartache, stress, sleep deprivation, whatever.

All I know for sure is that one day I do hope to publish a book. I think I'm good at it. No one's hugely panned anything I've done, so hopefully that's a sign of what could come. I just have to *do* it, just write. There's a guy who graduated from MIT in 2000 who just published a fantasy last winter (see the previous post) so that gives me hope. After all, if someone from a traditionally science-oriented university not known for its creative endeavors can publish a fantasy, well then, what am I waiting for?

Hmm. Mom always says that I'd be good at anything I wanted to be good at, as long as I applied myself. I guess I should start applying to writing, if that's what makes me happy. Of course, I can't really start that until I finish the rather long chapter on Amines in my orgo text. Alas and alack that osmosis between text and head doesn't work.

Oh yeah, the Star Wars: Episode III trailer is out on the web today. Could be interesting. Hope it's good enough to be the 'end' of the series. Of course, nothing can top RotK for the greatest trilogy ending

Guess I'll head home and read. Maybe I'll write. Feel free to intrude

  What Wondrous Love, Jars of Clay (Roots & Wings EP)

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 4:17 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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ATTENTION! If you're in the St. Louis area this weekend, stop by the Affton Arts & Crafts fair. My mother will have a booth, and you'll really like what she does. Pick up an Easter gift for someone.

After that nice public service announcement...how much things can change in such little time. The end of the entry was written before I found this out...

I just found out that my position will be terminated in April. Tax day, no less. The irony is that I'm 3 for 3 with lab jobs running out of money. The grant they pay me from has been frozen because we're between phases. Joy. There is hope though...a lab down the hall is looking for techs, and I'm supposed to talk to them on Monday. Luigi said good things about me, which is great, so hopefully I'll be able to just go from one to the other.

Huh. Now I guess I won't be able to take that vacation. I doubt they'll be able to pay me for it, either. Perhaps they'll carry over to the next one. My luck, I guess.

Now onto the stuff that was written before I had that most disturbing news.
Moon Names, in relation to the lovely scents that BPAL puts out. Incidentally I just got my shipping confirmation, so hopefully I will come home one day and see a nice little package for me. Also hopefully it will not be in the form of a post-it note on the front door saying "We could not deliver your package" grumble. Just because we have a locked entryway...boo. Just buzz around, people, someone's usually home...

This book looks interesting...gonna head to the bookstore tonight and see if it's around. Robots comes out today. Whee! Perhaps I'll get to see it with my family when they come into town next week. Well, in two weeks, really. It's not quite next week yet...

file under: muses , rants , working Posted by Jen at 5:17 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So I changed my windshield wipers this weekend, which was a big deal for me, even though they're very easy to change. It took me a while, of course, because while they tell you how to put them on (which is, indeed, easy) they don't tell you how to take the old blades off, and looking in the manual was no help. So yay for fiddling around with machinery and making it work. And I've never seen my windshield so clean. It was definitely time for some new ones, as there were two cracks in the driver's side blade (right where you look through the glass, natch) and the passenger side blade decided to come completely out of the casing and had started to scratch the windshield. Not a pleasant experience to have metal screeching across glass. So unlike the bike, I can go to Target and buy replacement blades (thanks for clueing me into that, Kate) and install myself and fix things! Yay for cheaper.

I went climbing with Doug from Friendster on Friday night. It was a weird experience, not that I didn't like it, just that it's a little odd to meet someone for the first time at a climbing gym. And unfortunately I didn't ever make it to the top...after three tries I could barely grip anything, much less pull myself up a wall. That's a little disappointing, being that I used to be in pretty good shape (I swear, forces are conspiring against me getting back in shape, namely winter and voracious squirrels) but I did make it about halfway. It's a very weird feeling to not be able to fist your hands. Doug's a nice guy, a chemical engineer for a company in town. I felt kind of bad because he had to do all the work...since I wasn't 'certified' to belay he had to use an autobelayer to climb, which isn't as good as another person. Perhaps one of these days I'll be able to do that...we'll see. I'd like to go again, Doug knows what he's doing (he's very tall, though, so it makes it a lot easier for him to climb!) but I don't know when that will be.

Kate and I were talking about things to do before we die, and I have to admit, I really want to get out and do more outdoorsy stuff. I really want to do whitewater rafting again, gallop on a horse, that sort of thing. One of these days, I swear. I'm not going to be like the people Richard Gere's character talks about in 'Shall We Dance' ...the ones that don't change, that don't go and do the things they talk about in their will (he's a lawyer of whatever type writes wills). Just gotta get out there and do it.

and since for some reason I couldn't upload it yesterday (silly site downtime)...

  Yellowcard, One Year Six Months

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:32 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I can't believe it's already February. Seems like this year is flying by. Mardi Gras and Super Bowl parties this weekend, and orgo exam 1 on Monday...guess which ones I shouldn't be worrying about and which one I'm slightly freaked about. Oh yeah, and orgo lab 2. Blah. But at least we're a little closer to Kingdom of Heaven. And HBP, of course

for all of you who know I love Orlando, yes, I heard the news. Sure I'm happy he's single again, but honestly? If he's happy, I'm happy. If he isn't, too bad. If someone would like to fly me out to LA and personally introduce me, then YAY! otherwise...I've read the press release about five times now, and every media outlet says the same thing. Imagine having to hand out a press release when you broke up with someone. Bah.

At least next week has both Mardi Gras and Chinese New Year. Funny how once again this year the two holidays are very close to each other. Last year they were on the same day, I think...and my daddy's birthday is coming up. Wonder what I should get him?

Orgo really crufts up plans for evenings.

  At the Crossing Places, Kevin Crossley-Holland
file under: muses Posted by Jen at 4:40 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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50 years ago, the first organ transplant occurred. Way to go! Amazing that they can do that, even today. Thank goodness.

Good news is that I a) will have a new computer at work after New Years and b) I don't have to come into work tomorrow! I can actually take vacation! Whee! So you won't see me tomorrow. Thank goodness. It's time for a break.

  Stephen Curtis Chapman: Speechless

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 2:40 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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There's no one here yet, and it's already 9:30...it's a little weird being here in the lab with no one around. I just love going to work so much! *just a little bit of sarcasm* sigh. I'll leave early today and hopefully get some cleaning and laundry done. Something that doesn't require going outside. It's SO cold! And it didn't snow. *pouts* No white Christmas this year, I guess. Though why I keep hoping for one I'm not sure, as we almost never do have one...ah well. I didn't want to drive in it anyway.

Thank you to all of you that sent Christmas cards. Hope you're having a nice holiday! *can't wait until tomorrow even though she has to get up and go to work*

pssst: what an ignoble post for #500! I've been doing this way too long. Thanks for the comments, guys Although I did manage to finally get Categories displayed after the entry. Not yet on the individual ones, I'll work on that sometime...

Fiona made me a gifte Whee! That reminds me, haha. Gotta get working on mine...

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 9:43 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I thought this was pretty cool, and right for the season and all... "May all your hopes and wishes come true." I hope that I didn't do poorly on the orgo test, which we'll get back tonight. (just on the off chance that someone likes the art print, you can click on it to buy it and send a little cash my way )

Speaking of orgo, yes, there was a test on monday, it was deceptively easy. Maybe it was just that I actually did study for this test, but it always makes me nervous when I finish early, even after checking my answers several times. On the one hand it's great that it was 'easy,' I studied more for this test than I did the last two, but it worries me that other people thought it was easy too and therefore the curve will be high. But as Alex pointed out, if I did well I don't have to worry. Here's to not worrying. And here's to Leo getting a job until April! Whee! Here's NOT to having to take orgo lab next semester, at EIGHT AM on SATURDAYS. grr. argh. Remind me again why I think I could be a doctor?

So I still haven't gotten any more christmas presents than the one for my mom, and I need to figure out what to get the various and sundry people in my life as gifts. And people keep asking me what I want... but I honestly haven't thought about the 'little things' that it would make sense for people to buy me. You know, things that aren't a computer, or keyboard, or a digital camera. But yes, candles are accepted I went through a fair number of them while studying orgo and writing NaNo. Perhaps this Orlando Bloom calendar?

But I'm still here, just not feeling very writerly, which I suppose is natural after the somewhat artificial writerlyness of last month. I promise I'll get around to finishing Novare soon. My mom says that aside from overall fixing up, it's very good. She's not biased or anything

On the happy side, got a christmas tree with Kate last night. V. pretty from outside. Inside ain't bad either I went with a slightly more expensive tree because it smelled...so...good. Still does. Nice to walk into the apartment and have mmm, pine scent. Now I just need more ornaments and lights and do something with the Free Boughs I got from that nice little place on Watson that didn't make me pay tax because I am a returning customer. Whee Christmas!

because they're pretty:

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 3:15 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Yes, indeedy it is Legolas Day again. Unfortunately I was immersed in making a new layout for my site(s) and therefore did not get to make a cool little plaque commemorating the event. I did put up another Legolas poster in my room yesterday though...the elf-love is not waning!

It's sort of sad that the last entry that I wrote was all happy about the Cards moving onto the World Series and here they go losing two in a row. Sigh. Come on Cards! You can do eet! I have faith. I even spent money on a tshirt or two and a hat...no jersey though, as most reproduction jerseys cost upwards of $100. Ugh. Still want one. #27 definitely. Let's go Redbirds! Let's rock the place tomorrow!

Eek. Better get over to class shortly...we'll get our tests back. I almost don't want to see how I did, I just know it was horrible. One can only hope that the curve wasn't blown by someone who read Chapter 7 like it looks like we should have, even though the test was ch's 4-6. See, she doesn't look in the new editions of the text, so when things have gotten moved around (like they most assuredly did here) she doesn't know. Sigh. Should have read ahead. Anyhoo...hopefully will get a new layout up this week. I still like Peter Pan. But the coding is giving me trouble and I'm not quite sure why, so I guess that's what I'll do tomorrow...

bye!

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:55 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I'm so glad it's friday. I wish I could have gotten that new layout up but what with the orgo test and the Cards making it to the World Series (I'm gonna fit that in as many places that I can today) it just wasn't gonna happen. Maybe next week, after I've made a new archives layout and a few new banners and buttons. But I'm quite proud that I've managed to figure out what the heck was causing weird CSS on Mozilla Firefox. Which is a much better browser than IE in my opinion, except that it doesn't display color scrollbars. Though, since regular Macs don't do that either, all is well.

Speaking of Macs, I really need a new laptop. The flickering is getting worse on my laptop, which is scary. I keep telling myself that I just have to not spend two paychecks worth, and I can have the new iBook with more memory AND an iPod. I just have to have self control. Will have to work on that. Well, that and pay rent. Ugh. I truly do hate paying rent. But buying a house sounds so scary, so final...so single, if I'm doing it by myself. Which I probably would be doing, as things are going for me. Bah.

But I've reached a stopping point on the layout-ing, so I'm going to head over to Dilliards and pick up some Clinique stuff and see if they have any Cards stuff. Yay Cards! Whee!

  Chris Rice: Deep Enough to Dream

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:42 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Pablo Neruda's poetry was used alot in conjunction with the Roswell fandom. Punz just reminded me why.

(speaking of Roswell, so I left last night to get the Season 2 box set, and Target didn't have any more in stock. I love my life's little ironies. That was the main reason I went to Target last night. That and the fact that I wanted to get Peter Pan as well, and I didn't realize til I got home that it was the Full-screen version and they don't carry the widescreen. So it's back to Target I go, with a copy of Ros. S2 at the electronics desk for me. Hopefully.

Read on for some pretty poetry.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

--Pablo Neruda, XX, translated by W.S. Merwin.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:36 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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For all you Tolkien geeks out there (yes, I include myself in that list), today is the birthday of both Bilbo and Frodo Baggins, the hobbits that started it all. They both took that first step into something larger than themselves, and prevailed. Let's hear it for the hobbits!

And today, in just a few minutes really, the autumnal equinox begins. aka the first day of Fall! Which seems amazing to me, since it absolutely can't be the end of summer already, but the weather is changing (evening temps go down in the 50s) so I guess I can accept it. Weird though, to think it's another season. Well, happy Fall everyone

My friend Meg sent this out to me, and you'll see it at my LJ too. It's a nice little forward about priorities in life. It's kinda long though, so...

Live life to the fullest and be happy!!!!
__________________
THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a

day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar ... and the coffee .

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full.. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things-God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and

your favorite passions/things that if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other
things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is
everything else - the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for
the things that are important. Pay attention to the things that are
critical to your happiness.. Play with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your wife/husband/kids out to dinner. Maybe even
play another 18. There's always time to clean the house and fix the
disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that
no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of
cups of coffee with a friend."

But what if you don't like coffee? lol.

  Rob Dougan: Nothing at All

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 11:25 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Brain-Busting Job = Alzheimer's Protection This article says that if you work your brain to overload at your job you have less chance of getting Alzheimer's. That's good, I guess...unfortunate that it's so taxing

There was some question as to whether I would be able to leave work early to meet with the 'rents or not, but luckily I was able to...the Giant Wheel that came here for the 2004 New Year's party for the celebration of the centennial of the 1904 World's Fair and the bicentennial of the Louisiana Purchase/Lewis & Clark expedition came back this summer but it's leaving this week. It's apparently much smaller than the one at the World's Fair; that one had gondolas that could hold 60 people each and diameter of about 300 feet. Wow. Fun ride, a little bit of a wait, short, because of said line, but nice to be on a piece of history. Sort of. Just realized I left my ticket in the pocket of the jeans I wore yesterday...let's hope I don't wash it accidentally.

Then we went to the zoo, which I've been wanting to do for ages. Finally got to see the Penguin and Puffin Coast, where they've got the animals so close you could touch them, if you were allowed to, of course. And they keep it cold (45 deg F) and dark to match the natural habitat. They're so fun to watch! And funny, really...they have interesting habits. Wandered through the 1904 Birdcage which has been transformed into a cypress swamp, which is cool, but needs more critters, as my dad said.

And we saw TWO cougars, which was just the highlight of my day. Silly, I know, to love seeing a particular animal so much but hey. They've got a special place in my heart and they're just so darn pretty.

Winter Shadows

Buy this Art Print at AllPosters.com

And I got the sewing machine from my cousin yesterday...it's an antique and looks it, is in serious need of cleaning, and might possibly be a little screwy but hopefully easily fixable. It keeps looping the thread up underdeath the fabric which I'm hoping is just a little mechanical difficulty that can be fixed with a screwdriver. Apparently the machine's got a fan club so I'll be looking for that today. Can't wait to actually get sewing for those costumes...hah. Let's see if anything actually gets done before any renfest...

And Kate just called to remind me about a potluck dinner at her place tonight...I feel bad because I almost don't want to go, I want to play with my sewing machine, but yeah. I should go be social and all that. It's so weird how I vacillate between really wanting to be with people and feeling lonely to just wanting to be alone and working on something for me. Sigh. Vagaries of personality. Meh.

Guess I should do some work today.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 11:05 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Title's from the Switchfoot song Beautiful Letdown. Finally sat down and watched the dvd of their live performance this weekend. I've had the dvd for a few months now but never actually got around to watching it. It's pretty cool. They sing AND play instruments! Did I mention how I really like that in a band?

Congrats to Lance Armstrong. He just won his 6th consecutive Tour de France. Live strong indeed. And amazingly enough, for one weekend with a movie premiere I did not see it opening night...hopefully I'll find someone to see the Bourne Supremacy with me later this week. Yay for number one at the box office. Makes me sad I didn't go, even by myself, but I guess it's not like they needed my help. My mom is pushing me to call up this guy from high school who randomly tries to get me to do something with him, and I just don't feel comfortable doing it. He's a nice guy, but there's just...I don't know. I hate it when people try to set me up, even if it's just for friendship. Maybe there's something wrong with me. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I'll see a movie like Spidey 2 three times, once by myself. Ah well. I'd see it again, too...just like I'd see HP3 again. DVDs can't come out soon enough.

In exceedingly annoying news, there were 2000+ messages in my inbox when I came in this morning. Fully 1600 of those were spam that was immediately deleted and the majority for the rest part was also spam that had to be more closely looked at before deletion. This really sucks and I'm not quite sure what I can do about it because most of them are actually to my address and don't have unique subject lines or senders. Sigh. Stupid 'hi.' I think I probably deleted the message from my softball coach last week because of this inundation.

In other news, thanks for voting for this site last week, and feel free to do the same this week. I'll need all the help I can get!

  "John Mayer: Neon"

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 10:05 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So last night I had a dream about Hugh Jackman. I have no idea why, because while he's quite a nice looking bloke my fandom right now, when not being taken up by a certain dark-haired Brit who actually is my age is centered on another dark-haired Brit who is certainly not legal for me in any sense of the word (hint: saw the movie twice already). Actually, Daniel Radcliffe was in the dream, somehow, in a theater, and I met him...but unfortunately Orlando's name was only mentioned. And re: Hugh, somehow I got out of the apartment with John Malkovich or someone of his ilk and we had to go to this other building and break into the day care center and corner this nurse so she could look up on her list where Hugh lived. I have no idea what was going on. It seemed like Hugh and I were quite buddy-buddy, and I even showed him my (unwrapped) Boy from Oz cd except I think I picked up somethiing that was titled 'Old Man River.' He just smiled. And the apartment wasn't our apartment, it was...close, but darker, two stories...lots of people milling around.

I'm sure there was more to it, but that's all that stuck in my head when I got up this morning. Any ideas?

[ETA: I've just realized I've made over 400 posts to this blog. In reality it's probably closer to 500 as not all of the posts from the previous blogging software were transferred since I'd closed some of the posts from way back when. But it's kinda cool to think about all the stuff I've written about in the past two years...]

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 12:37 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Those of you who actually read this thing know that I now use Movable Type for my blogging software. Basically this means I downloaded the script and changed some variables and now when I visit a certain URL I can just type something in (e.g. this entry) and it shows up at etoiline.com. Amazing! I used to use Greymatter, which does the same thing, but it had fewer add-ons and a little less flexibility, so during the server snafu of February I decided to switch over to MT. This is version 2.something or other, and MT kept saying how they would introduce a new version with some features that I would like to have, so I've held off on trying to modify (read: hack) the code to get what I want. But Six Apart (the company that distributes MT) announced recently that while they would offer a free version of MT 3, it carries certain licensing restrictions, namely it can only have one author and a max of 3 (or 5, don't remember) blogs. Well, this sounds silly to me. I actually fit into that category, because even though I plan on having many different blogs here, they're all under the etoiline.com name, so according to them that's alright. And as I'm the only author, I've got no problem with that. I just wish they would lower their prices. I was thinking about upgrading and now I probably won't, seeing as I'm doing fine without a 'currently listening' section after each post anyway. It just bugs me that things I like, i.e. MT, YaBB forums (I used to use YaBB (CGI base) for my forum until the server change, when I got YaBBSE, which is php based, but about two weeks after I installed it I realized they were no longer supporting my version and were changing over to a totally new script) are moving to the paid version. Ah well.

Read about the french guy who supposedly wrote a book (223 pages) without verbs. Weird.'Fictitious' author publishes the first book without verbs

And now what you've all been waiting for, I'm sure: my review of Troy, or what I can remember about it, anyway.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed Troy. And as much as I said in the beginning that I probably wouldn't go see it again, I bet I will end up seeing it one more time...if only to see more of Orlando. Silly, I realize. Alas it's not quite what I'd hoped, but it was still a good movie. The battle scenes were terrific, if sometimes a little contrived or unbelievable. There was decent acting from most of the actors, some pretty bad accents, and some very cringe-worthy moments. Sometimes those moments were needed; that's the way Homer wrote them. Of course, there's a whole bunch of people who died and shouldn't have (and vice versa) and there are no gods and they eliminated quite a lot of the history of the war...but me the non-purist didn't care all that much.

I will say that this is not James Horner's best score. It crescendos in odd spots and sometimes it just didn't fit with the picture...then again, when you think about the fact that the score was written only about two months before the movie opens...It's a shame we didn't get to hear Gabriel Yared's original score. I don't know if I would have liked it any better (but I certainly like the current end credits song better than Yared's) but I bet something written over the course of filming the movie probably fit the film more. And Mr. Horner didn't write a Paris and Helen theme

This will go on my I-want-this-dvd list, but it's not on par with LotR. Then again, what can be? The Post-Dispatch critic gave it 2.5/4 stars. I'd probably have to go with the 3/5 star rating. I'm a terrible critic because I like seeing a movie twice before I make judgement: once to just enjoy and the second (or more ) to make criticism.

Of course, I could just say that men in skirts make up for any shortcomings. Orlando is FINE! Even when he's playing a nincompoop. And damn you cameraman, why couldn't you have panned down just a little bit more?

I would say go see it. But don't get the big soda

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:36 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Because I can. Found an icon tutorial and I had to use it. yay.

[ETA: This is my new current LJ icon. Go comment there too.]

Troy review tomorrow, perhaps.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:51 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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which is what there will be tonight. You know, if we had trouble keeping the charcoal lit when there wasn't dampness, imagine what it will be like tonight. sigh. the wonders of having no roof over our deck. Ah well.

I'm so behind on my tv shows. But as Leo pointed out there won't be anything new shortly so I'll have plenty of time. I just need plenty of videotapes.

Troy tomorrow! Yay Alex for picking up tickets.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 5:35 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Remember by Josh Groban. On the Troy soundtrack.

Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory
Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me
I am the one star that keeps burning
So brightly
It is the last light
To fade into the rising sun
I'm with you
Whenever you tell my story
For I am all I've done
Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory
Remember me
I am that one voice
In the cold wind
That whispers
And if you listen
You'll hear me call across the sky
As long as
I still can reach out
And touch you
I will never die
Remember
I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me
Remember
I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory
Remember
When your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me
Remember me
Remember...me...

You can try this link if you want to have a listen...not sure if it still works or not. *whine* wanna...see...movie...now! meh. back to work.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 12:27 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I've officially been at the lab for a year. Doesn't seem like it...then on the other hand it feels like forever. Good things have come out of it...I'll have my name on two papers, at least...of course, it's stressful, sometimes, but what job isn't? At least I have my own room, mostly, and I get to do whatever I want when I'm done with my work. Of course I have to report and I feel bad when I'm using company time to do fun stuff, but I just can't see myself working in an office where I have to wear a suit and look professional all day.

Troy is going to be so cool. I got the soundtrack last night...it's long. I love soundtracks that actually approach the movie running time...even though Troy is supposed to be pretty long. But 75 minute long cds are good things. I have to say it's not James Horner's best work and it sounds an awful lot like The Mask of Zorro and Legends of the Fall, but that's ok. James Horner is composer god. And Josh Groban rules. I think the soundtrack will be better when I hear it in context of the movie.

boo to having to download stuff to my iBook so I can make a cd that plays on both Macs and pcs. Silly pcs. They say that they can make cds that play on macs as well but I don't believe it.

Two days to Troy!

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 12:13 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I was thinking the other night as I drove home from my parents' house how so much of our life is built on trust, and we take it for granted. We trust that our cars won't break down, that the wheels will grip the road even if it's raining, how our parents will be there (until they die, which we don't think about). We trust that our home, apartment, dorm, whatever will be there when we get back and that our car will be in the same place as when we left it that morning. We trust that the car will start even in freezing temperatures. We trust that the grocery store will have milk and orange juice and that the gas station kiosk we stop at will have gas in the octane you need or paper so it can print your receipt.

We trust that our harddrives will store our information and start up the next time we hit the power button. We trust that we will still have a job when we get to work the next day and that there will be someone to talk to. We trust that things will work out. We trust that God or whoever you believe in has a plan for us and that it's all going as it's supposed to. We trust that we are right and they are wrong.

Where does this blind trust come from? Sometimes I wonder at how much we trust that everything is alright. I trust that someone is reading this journal and that just maybe someone appreciates it...otherwise I'm just doing this for my own glory.

Anything that makes you go hhmmm?

file under: muses , serious Posted by Jen at 5:47 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Well, saw Underworld with Jess last night. It was dark. And it was late, and the theater was near empty...but the sound was cool. It gives you the little shivers with the transformations...not quite as good as say, Anita Blake books, but eh. Books are always better with that. Some gripes, like the transformations were a little sloppy and you couldn't understand that Kraven guy (who did not look like he could *ever* be the leader of the vampires...and what's with that weird accent?). Odd that the vamps didn't seem to have too much of a fixation on blood, but maybe I've just been reading too many horror novels.

Not enough romance for my taste, but then again that's why I'm attempting to write Decadence. There were a couple parts when I was saying, eh? and then I wondered what happened to the blond vamp later in the movie...but it's so obvious that there is going to be a sequel, what with the way it ended, and indeed, empire online reported today that there is going to be a sequel. Well and good, I suppose. I'd probably see it again if I had people to see it with, just for the fact that it's vamp/werewolf. Makes me very in the mood to write more of my fic.

Jess thought it was going to be sort of anime-ish. Needless to say she was surprised. It's got some gore in it...but maybe I'm inured to it because it didn't bother me. Rather I laughed disbelievingly at the ickiness of it. Ah well.

Did I mention how it's a little odd to try to write a story with a character that's quite different than me? I mean, I'm never really angry, I don't have any werewolfish qualities...not that I know of anyway and I'm certainly not in love with someone from the wrong side of the tracks who I'm supposed to hate. So that's my excuse for writing Decadence slowly.

And re: the elves...yes, I did go to the Renaissance Festival last weekend. My parents let me have the new van, which was an experience...never driven that far or that long before. Thank goodness for cruise control. We drove down saturday night and stayed at Jess' friend's new apartment, which was nice. Two cats and a very late night later, we got to the festival much later than planned, but ah well. I wore my Legolas outfit because above all I love comfort, and that tunic and frock, if badly sewn, are much more comfortable than a corset. Although I do think I look quite fetching in a corset. People apparently quite liked the outfit; I had several compliments like 'that looks familiar' or 'how elven' (from the people who work there, who, to stay in character, can't let on that they recognize Lego, as this particular representation is from a movie, which certainly didn't exist in that time period, but they have an entire fairy forest, so elves are quite welcome) and a few people asked where I got my vambraces. One man asked me where I got them and when I said I made them, he was quite surprised and said how he was getting married soon and he and his fiancee were having an elven theme. Now perhaps I should have offered my services, but I didn't really want to subject myself to painting more at work And someone else liked the embroidery, which I always feel a little weird taking compliments on, because it's just machine sewing. Albeit machine sewing that took much time and effort, but I would never try to hand sew something like that. But yay. People liked the outfit. One of the workers even asked if I worked the fest, and I had to say no. I wish I did. Unfortunately KC is much to far away from StL to make it worth it. Perhaps someday...

It rained on us a little bit, but nothing so hard as to drive us away early. We shopped, watched some of the shows, and walked between the raindrops. I bought some perfume that I'd been wanting for some time (Voodoo Charm and Carnival, which you'll have never heard of unless you visit Majikah Perfumery) and some incense that I'll finally be able to burn at the new apartment since it will be free of the motherly indict against burning anything at home.

Of course, the rain got worse on the way home. Sometimes it was quite hard and then it became foggy, so visibility was crappy. We got home later than we wished and I didn't get to cruise nearly as much as I wanted to. but overall we had fun. Saw a sugar glider nestled in someone's cleavage. Some very funny shows, some very good shows, neat shops. More time would have been nice, perhaps getting there earlier, but ah well. There's always next year.

I think I'll go attempt to write some more of Decadence now.

file under: movies , muses , writings Posted by Jen at 2:39 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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you know those cryptic error messages you get when you've got that extremely important paper due tomorrow and it suddenly disappears? Too bad the computer doesn't speak haiku. Then at least you'd be in a Zen-like state when your hard drive crashes. Try these, and try not to laugh too hard:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

I feel like that last one sometimes...
don't forget to vote for me today!

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 11:28 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So I was just staring out the window, waiting for some cells, when I see this pigeon alight on the parking garage next door. So I stared at it and started thinking, come to me, little birdie and the like.

And wouldn't you know it, the bird didn't move an inch. It looked at me for a good long time though.

However, I started looking out the window in the first place because I had never seen the metrolink crossing closed so the train could go through.

And wouldn't you know it, the gates were going down at that instant.

So I guess I'm neutrally telepathic, eh?

I bought the LotR dvd today. And the Art of LotR. What a deal. Got free shipping and everything. Haven't seen my lovely digital content yet though. And my buying spree is not done yet, for I have to go back to Borders, where of course the two cds that I wanted to get at Target are on sale. There, instead of at Target. Grr. At least my dad is nice and drives me. Dave Matthews, here I come. I still need a dvd player though.

Won't it suck if I have to pay for parking? ew.

God I love this song. Kiss the Rain by Billie Meyers. I remember when I was going out with Chris and we started to have problems, I listened to this single for hours. I wrote out all lyrics. It was perfect for what was happening with us at that time.

I miss a boyfriend. I find it supremely ironic that this lab has only two guys, and they're both married. Why are there no cute scientists?

Geez, what a rant. I'll shut up now.

file under: muses , working Posted by Jen at 5:03 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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It's a funny thing to think how strange things go when you're faking it. I just read in March's issue of glamour that the best, most successful people out there are often the ones who fake it best. Well, I have to say that I suck at faking it. I just feel like I don't know anything here, and that everyone else is so high above me I'd never catch up, not even if I suddenly became a genius overnight. Which I won't.

Gaah. All this when I know Drug Emporium would love to take me back. Maybe I'm just not cut out for research. Wouldn't that suck? Cause working with stem cells does sort of imply that I would be doing research. Sigh. How did I get through college? With a lot of help from my friends and a whole lot of prayer. Shoot, I bet I don't remember half of what I learned, and only the last half has any sort of chance of being remembered. Why is it that I can keep my story organized in my head and make up new parts all the time but I can't figure out how to make the proper cell count and I can't remember from the beginning of a presentation to the end that the reason that we'd like to use this new system is that it takes about two weeks to implement instead of the six months it takes to breed the mice with the proper construct? Gaah.

this is actually from a couple of days ago when I was learning how to do radioactive labelling, and needless to say, I was a little bit weirded out. Just thought I'd share.

file under: muses Posted by Jen at 6:25 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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