(HUMAN) DEVELOPMENT

NotNote: This takes place sometime before TEOTW, but I won't change anything. This story already has an ending, so watch that epi. This is just my version of how it got there. I kind of ignored the whole skins deal, but you can imagine that it's happening.

<Do you know who you are?>

Liz awoke with a start. Had someone been talking to her? Had she been dreaming?

"Do I know who I am? I’m Liz Parker. Why would anyone ask me that?" Liz though to herself. "I wonder what I was dreaming about."

Liz dismissed the thought, and since her alarm was about to go off anyway, she decided to get out of bed and get ready for school. The biology presentation was today, the one she worked on with Maria. They’d spent all night getting the posters ready, and Liz felt confident that they’d get the highest grade. She was first in her class, after all. Unless Max had come up with a better project!

Max . . . She stopped brushing her hair for a moment, thinking of the last time they kissed. How she missed the closeness they had then. She knew she would do anything for Max, even give up on loving him, no matter how much it hurt. Max needed all his power just to stay alive; he didn’t need her to complicate his destiny. So she had walked away- maybe the hardest thing she’d ever done. Possibly that was rivaled by the endless summer she had spent with her aunt in Florida, knowing he was out there, but so unavailable.

Max and Michael and Isabel were gone almost half the summer, partly to get away from it all and partly to explore their heritage. Tess had only gone with them for the last half of the summer, when they went to visit Nasedo in Washington DC at the FBI. Liz thought it was rather ironic that they spent a good month interning at the very place that had sent out agents to kill them.

Liz had missed Max, missed all of them. Except Tess. Even now, the thought of her brought a rush of emotion to Liz. Her cheeks colored at the jealousy she felt toward Tess. Even though Tess was Max’s destiny, Liz couldn’t help feeling possessive of Max. He was her first and only love. Forever. There would never be another like him. Nothing could ease the growing feeling of emptiness Liz had felt as she walked away from the pod chamber. How come Tess got to spend a month with Max? It was so unfair. Destiny, shmestiny.

Liz shook herself out of her reverie. She glanced at her watch, then jumped up from her bed. She had lost track of time, lost in remembering. She grabbed her favorite tank top from her dresser, the red one with the embroidered flowers at the neck. Shorts, panties. . . where was that bra?

She glanced at the mirror in the bathroom. She must have slept funny on her hair because there was a slight wave to it. Max always liked it when her hair was wavy. . . Liz shook her head in frustration, and slicked on some glossy red lipstick as her mother knocked on the door.

"Ready to go, sweetie?" Nancy asked as she walked into Liz’s bedroom. "You don’t want to be late for the big presentation, right?" Liz shook her head. Biology was first period, and the only class she’d have to see Max in today. . .

"I’m almost ready. I’ll meet you downstairs, Mom," Liz said after a beat.

"Are you okay, honey? You look a little tired."

"Just nervous, I guess. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine."

Liz picked up her backpack and followed her mom out onto the landing. They went down the back steps of the Crashdown. Nancy had already loaded the box of presentation materials in the backseat of the car.

Liz stopped, her hand on the car door handle. "Is something wrong, honey?" her mom asked, worriedly. Liz looked up and shook her head, not really believing she was hearing voices in her head. "Just making sure I didn’t forget anything," she said, trying to rid herself of the feeling of the voice. She took a couple of deep breaths and the echo subsided. She opened the door and climbed into the car, saying, "Let’s go, Mom. Can’t be late!"

On the way to school they passed the sheriff’s station. Liz wondered what he was up to. She’d seen him off and on, but being the usually law-abiding citizen she was, she’d had little reason to talk to him. She hoped he was dealing with the news of aliens in town okay. He never mentioned it in their brief meetings, but it had to be uncomfortable for him.

As her mom pulled into the school lot, Liz saw Max. Her breath caught, even now, at his sight. Then she paled as she saw Tess standing next to him, her hand on his shoulder. Be calm, she told herself. It’s just Max and Tess. Destinied.

She managed to get the the entrance and had her hand on the door before Max called out, "Liz."

She stopped, and turned ever so slightly, and said, with great decorum, "Good morning, Max. Tess," and turned back, opened the door, and disappeared into the cool shadows of the entryway.

***

I stared after her as she disappeared behind the doors. How I missed her! THe entire summer I had missed her presence. Even though we were learning what others knew about us and what we knew of ourselves, I felt a void. While I was happy we were learning more about our powers and discovering more fully how we were supposed to save out planet, I always felt a little distanced from the others, even my sister.

Watching Liz walk away I almost wanted to cry. That day at the cave, when Michael stopped me from going after her, I barely heard her. I was in shock. Michael let me stand there for a while, then he and Isabel had to physically drag me back to the Jeep. I couldn’t move. She was gone. . .

I came back to myself after a while. Somehow I knew I could not stay in mourning. Although my heart was broken, I had to stay clear-headed. Maybe it was my memories of leadership, but I had to move on. Nonetheless, I still felt the emptiness left by Liz’s departure.

It was probably a good thing that Mom and Dad planned that vacation. Almost immediately after out lives changed utterly, we went down to Florida for three weeks, to stay at Mom’s friend’s condo. I mainly moped and thought about Liz (she was in the same state but might as well have been in another country). Isabel had a blast, going to the parks and shopping and of course sunbathing at the beach. Almost everyday she begged me to go with her, but I usually refused. I didn’t know how to hide my sorrow, which was so different from anything I’d ever felt. Izzy hid hers much better, but I know she missed Alex, and Michael. . .

I read as much as I could about the crash, which, admittedly, in Florida wasn’t much. I surfed the internet, looking for cover-up stories, and was often amazed at how insane some of these conspiracy theorists must be if they really believed what they wrote. I practiced honing my powers. I found I was a little better at dreamwalking than I thought- that’s how I know Isabel missed Alex and Michael. I was tempted, so many times, to reach out and touch Liz’s dreams, but I didn’t want to hurt her that way. Even though I was always curious to know if she dreamed of me as I dreamed of her. . .

Those dreams. . . I spent a lot of time sleeping. In dreams, I could imagine Liz with me, loving me, even (this was when I know I was dreaming) like me. Like she was from my planet, that she was my mate. . .

But finally the condo stay was over. We went back to Roswell, but only for a week. Michael and Izzy and I went on a road trip. We spent a week at the cave, examining the orbs, the pods, the surrounding area, but nothing new was forthcoming. We experimented with our powers finding new limits and frustrations.

Isabel was especially adept at manipulating objects, and we always had music. Her dreamwalking became easy, and we never knew when she would "practice." Personally I just think she was trying to get information to blackmail us with. We all had our demons, I guess.

She and Michael were civil, but not loving. I don’t really know, even now, how they feel about each other. I know that they both miss their respective humans, just like me.

The next week we spent at the cave on the indian reservation. We examined the symbols, trying to glean their meaning, comparing the positions to star maps of known galaxies. No luck there. If the symbols were directions, what did they lead to? We talked to RiverDog, tried to learn what may have happened when "the visitor" came. Then we spent the rest of the week simply exploring the reservation (but we avoided the sweat lodge, of course).

We also experimented with the healing stones, finding they could augment our powers over distances. Isabel could start the Jeep from a mile away, but I pointed out to her that particular skill just wasted a lot of gas. Michael practiced his warrior skills, blowing up rocks and innocent cacti (we always made sure we were far away when he was practicing) all the way across the valley near the cave. His power was still uncontrolled, but now much greater in magnitude. It was raw, unbridled force that he still couldn’t direct with accuracy. If possible he was even more moody than before. I wonder if he was like that back home.

I say that like there is a home. Maybe it’s been destroyed. Maybe it’s 100,000 light years away and there is not enough technology in the universe to send us back. I try not to think about it because there are too many unanswered and unanswerable questions. Like who is my mother? The one who raised me, or the one who came to us in the cave? Did she know us as we are now, our nature, and assume we would follow our previous destiny? Or did she just hope that we would somehow put aside our human feelings and follow our alien side?

Pierce/ Nasedo was not at all forthcoming as a protector. He did defer to me, which was a little disconcerting (although when I thought about it, it seemed right) but he would not talk about home. He kept hinting, during the internship at the FBI, that there were ways of retrieving memories of our life before. But he would never tell us what they were. I think he wanted us to try and find out on our own, but we had no clue even how to start. So I still don’t know if I was a good leader.

Everyone defers to me now. How did everyone know I was the "leader" but me? I get these vague whispers sometimes, memories or psuedo-memories because I want to remember so badly. I can see myself standing in front of Michael and Isabel - except they weren’t Michael and Isabel, I knew them as another pair - and delivering a speech, the weight of a crown on my head. I don’t know if these are real or just imaginings. I confided these to Pierce and he said, "Remember more. Do you know who you are? You don’t, not yet.

"It’s been hard, watching you in this body, blindly fumbling towards your destiny, when I knew you as a Royal and your purpose was sure. Nevertheless, my role is your protector. I will always serve you, no matter what body you reside in, or what planet you call home."

So now I have to be a leader. Of what? Of four people? Of what planet? How do I begin to save my race? We cannot even return. Nasedo doesn’t know how. He said I know, but he stubbornly refused to tell me how to remember. I thought of ordering him to tell us, but that had all kinds of implications I wasn’t sure I could handle. He might not have known, just like he didn’t know how to activate the orbs. And now he’s gone, and we might never know.

I miss Liz.