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Mike thinks I'm afraid of writing. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm afraid of what would happen when I finally finish a novel. What on earth would I do then? I don't know. The unknown is frightening and all that...It's the Year of the Tiger. Isn't that supposed to inspire courage? Yes, according to this site: "This courageous and fiery fighter is admired by the ancient Chinese as the sign that keeps away the three main tragedies of a household. These are fire, thieves and ghosts." Let's have none of those, please. Let's be brave and write together, shall we?

(ETA, this site says in the chinese zodiac, monkeys are the "erratic geniuses." If that's not me, I don't know what is.)

I finally bought Scrivener, with my NaNo 09 winner discount, so now I really need to use it. I've even got some ideas for the next few chapters. And I could start adding my previous (mostly all unfinished) to Scrivener and use its nifty features to figure out how I can get them done. I really want to be a writer, I do. But my motivation is non-existent. I've got to get over that. Really.

Will someone hold me to the writing? I always say I want more money. Well, writing wouldn't get me much, but it would be more.

file under: dreams Posted by Jen at 1:43 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Since it is the day before a softball game and it's raining, I present to you a softball haiku:

softball--a dream that
never becomes realized
because it rains so

Last night I had a dream where I was a Transformer-like Eliza Dushku (yes, I was listening to the soundtrack to Transformers last night--why do you ask?) and I really wanted to read the as-yet unpublished manuscript of some famous author--dunno who. I could get anywhere I wanted because I was pretty and rich and then could, you know, transform to get out of there. So I go to this author's place, grab the manuscript, but the police come before I can leave. Thus, I run out of the house, throw the ms. in the air, become a car, and careen off, but the policeman shoots and knocks off the license plate. Since I am a bibliophile, after the policeman has given up the chase, all he finds is the piece of plate with part of a plastic plate protector. The partial plate says OO, and the plate protector says "ublic Lib"--get it? The plate reads BOOKS (or something similar) and the protector promotes some city's Public Library.

And then I told it all to Eliza Dushku, who was apparently at a garage sale with me. Go fig.

On a serious note: one of my favorite authors (and one who probably played a part in my wanting to be a fantasy author), David Eddings, passed away last night. He will be missed. I brought the first book in the Elenium, The Diamond Throne, with me to work to read in memoriam.

  The Diamond Throne, David Eddings
file under: books , dreams , getmoving , reallife Posted by Jen at 9:47 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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"In art we are once again able to do all the things we have forgotten; we are able to walk on water; we speak to the angels who call us; we move, unfettered, among the stars." --Madeleine L'Engle

Thanks to Isaac from my writing group and NaNo.

I think I might have forgotten a plot point for Red Skirts. But I thought of another one--or maybe it's the same one--so hopefully I'll end up in the same place. Better remember it this time...

Still looking for a house, yes. Here's hoping.

  MythOS, Kelly McCullough
file under: art , dreams , writings Posted by Jen at 1:51 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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From zen_habits on Twitter, who said, Complete this sentence: I wish my life were more ...

Writerly. (Yeah, not a word. But I wish I acted more like an author. This is a wish I can and should make true.)

Exciting. (Though that whole proverb of living in interesting times...perhaps I better stick with the steady job, even though it's not quite paying me enough)

Clean. (I at least have a path between my bedroom door and my bed, but there's plenty of room in there for shelves, if I ever stopped buying books enough to have money for some.)

Arty. (I used to draw on everything. Even now, my twitter feed is full of Photoshop and Illustrator resources, and my delicious account has hundreds of links to tutorials on graphic design. One day I will be creative many ways.)

Outdoorsy. (I miss camping. I miss horseback riding. I will go whitewater rafting again someday. I will hike the Rockies again and visit Canada. Maybe.)

Financially secure. (I have money enough, right now, but not quite enough to do what I want to. Hopefully that will change, someday. Until then, I must write.)

I think I can change these things. I'm lazy, as you might have noticed me mention in this blog before, so I'd have to get over the fear and anxiousness of change, but perhaps someday I will.

  Lady Chatterley's Lover, DH Lawrence
file under: dreams , reallife Posted by Jen at 5:00 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Want to know how an author's royalty check breaks down? Read Lynn Viehl's post on "The Reality of a Times Bestseller" and be either shocked or vindicated, depending on what your viewpoint is...

It took her the better part of a year to get royalty payments on her top-20 bestseller. Sigh.

So no, I don't write for the money. Shoot, if I did, I'd actually have something polished and finished and ready to send off for submission. I really, really don't. I write because I love it, because it makes me happy to find that perfect word or find that magic plot point twist that I somehow worked into the beginning of the story without even knowing it. I'm practical (maybe too practical) and I know that even if I was one of the lucky ones I wouldn't be able to quit my job if I sold a book. But that's okay.

I am one of the lucky ones who has a good job (even if it doesn't pay that well) and I have relative freedom to do whatever I want in my free time as long as I get my work done. It's something that's unlikely *crossed fingers* to fall to a recession, and I work with some really quality people.

Perhaps I'll never write a bestseller (even though the Publishing Game my parents made for my gifted class in 5th grade said I would!). Perhaps I'll have to rethink my stance on self-publishing (especially since I have such wonderful artistic parents). But I can't shake the dream of someday standing in the company of my favorite authors, holding a copy of my own book. And I don't want to.

Dream big.

(Guess I ought to write some more on that NaNovel, eh? )

  King of Pride Rock, Lion King sdtk
  Living with Ghosts, Kari Sperring
file under: dreams , writings Posted by Jen at 2:58 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Scotland's Lochs and Forests Trail | Adventure Travel & World Travel That link is for a HORSEBACK RIDING trip through SCOTLAND. OMB. *wibble* You have no idea how many levels that appeals to me on. Sigh. If only I had an extra $2000 lying around. Sheesh. I barely have enough to even think about seeing Big River at the Fox (which I really really want to, but no one can go with) much less a trip like that. Even my (very small) tax refund is already earmarked for a (working, non-squirrel-eaten) bike. Sigh.

I would pick up the Apple Symphony Jam Pack so I could lay down some nice tympani beats. Yeah. Also get *some* keyboard that would have MIDI input so I could play directly to the computer. I've got this lovely GarageBand software but it's so gosh-darned hard to "play" piano on a computer keyboard.

Want more?

I would spend a month or two or three just writing. I'm excited about Artorius Rex Novare again. I want to talk about it but I know all of you haven't read it, so I can't. Sigh. I want to fix Moonstone so it doesn't sound like a 13-year-old wrote it. Not that it was bad, but it could be better. I was a pretty smart 13-year-old, but obviously I can write much better now that I'm in my 20s.

I would go to Cedar Point in Sandusky Ohio and visit my lovely cousin Corey.

I would design lots of fangirl websites because I could. I would buy fun things like a video connector so I could watch/record things on my computer. Course, then I'd probably get DSL and cable.

I spent most of the free time I had today looking at pictures of Orlando, old and new. Dear Lord please let Kingdom of Heaven be as good as it looks!

I would fly to wherever Orlando is filming at the moment and meet him. And actually have a conversation.

I'd find a bunch of people who want to get wet and exhilarated (hey! pull your mind out of the gutter!) and take them all whitewater rafting. And climb a few mountains in Colorado.

I'd see several Broadway shows. And actually see New York, as opposed to the track of Rochester University, which is all I ever saw of the state.

  Paul McCartney: Live and Let Die/Howie Day: Perfect Time of Day
  Orgo is waiting for me, but I just finished Son of Avonar, and I can't wait to start book 2...
file under: dreams Posted by Jen at 5:56 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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