FYI: this is a long ramble about the state of Jen…feel free to mosey right past it.
I really, truly want this. It’s a 61-key MIDI controller that can be used for input into GarageBand, part of iLife, which comes standard on new iBooks. I like the program already, but I really want a method of recording music onto the computer (aspirations of songwriting, don’t you know), and this keyboard looks like the way to do it. It’s only got 61 keys, yes, but it’s got an octave shifter so theoretically you could get the whole enchilada on a smaller keyboard. Of course, the one song that I will have memorized for the rest of my life (thanks mom) does in fact take up the entire keyboard, so I wonder if you could program a shift while you’re playing? Hmm. Of course, from reading the previous entry you know that I won’t have a job in a month, so ’tis bad to covet things now. I do have a tax refund coming soon, once I do my taxes, but a) who knows how big it will be and b) I really ought to save that for whatever else life sends down the road, since it seems I’ve had quite a bit of unexpected ‘episodes’ occur recently. And I want to get a new bike as well, especially since they’re forcasting an entire summer of $2/gallon gas. Ugh.

Here at the end of all things (I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist a LotR reference) I’m beginning to wonder if I’m really cut out for science. I mean, I adore science, I adore learning and understanding technical stuff, and I do hope to someday make the world a better place in some small way, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it in the scientific world. Even though I’ve been working for nearly three years in the field, I still feel like there’s something I’m missing. I’m not smart enough, quick enough, knowledgeable enough for it. It’s possibly something that I’m *not* doing, not being enough of something, or maybe it’s just not right for me.
The person I interviewed with yesterday (which I suppose went well, but I’m not sure I’m the person they’re looking for) asked what my goals were, and when I told her about possibly looking into medical school, she asked if the huge workload and classes leading up to it scared me, and I had to answer that it did. Frankly, anyone who goes into that without a little bit of fear is either insanely smart, or possibly just insane. I know it would be a great way to ‘help the world in some small way,’ to make a difference, would it be worth the heartache, stress, sleep deprivation, whatever.
All I know for sure is that one day I do hope to publish a book. I think I’m good at it. No one’s hugely panned anything I’ve done, so hopefully that’s a sign of what could come. I just have to *do* it, just write. There’s a guy who graduated from MIT in 2000 who just published a fantasy last winter (see the previous post) so that gives me hope. After all, if someone from a traditionally science-oriented university not known for its creative endeavors can publish a fantasy, well then, what am I waiting for?
Hmm. Mom always says that I’d be good at anything I wanted to be good at, as long as I applied myself. I guess I should start applying to writing, if that’s what makes me happy. Of course, I can’t really start that until I finish the rather long chapter on Amines in my orgo text. Alas and alack that osmosis between text and head doesn’t work.
Oh yeah, the Star Wars: Episode III trailer is out on the web today. Could be interesting. Hope it’s good enough to be the ‘end’ of the series. Of course, nothing can top RotK for the greatest trilogy ending 😉
Guess I’ll head home and read. Maybe I’ll write. Feel free to intrude 😉