My uncle spent the weekend in the ICU. He's still there. They're going to transfer him to Barnes or SLU hospital to see if a radiologist can find the source of some internal bleeding. My aunt and cousin came in from Joplin and my grandparents made the trip from Richland. It was tough on them to make the trip...my grandpa's hip has been hurting for a while and my grandma has had a headache for three days. Aunt Carol and Corey were coming up anyway for the St. Louis Art Fair, so they brought my grandparents up. We all visited at various times during the weekend, and you could just see when my uncle was in pain. It hurts to see someone you love in pain. Makes you wonder why it happens.

Thing is, obviously this is hard on everybody. Little things make people start to cry. Like Corey and I noticed that my Aunt Roberta's (Uncle Johnnie's wife) brake light was out. Aunt Carol had just told us how my cousin Tim had just bought his first car battery and installed it and his car is working again, and Aunt Roberta said, Oh, I'll have to have John get that light fixed...and you know, everyone tears up. Even Nick, stoic Nick, little cousin Nick who's now the tallest in the family, and looks just like his daddy John did at that age. And I can't summon a tear. I feel bad that I can't cry. I don't know why. You might have read about how I teared up at the Lion King musical. That was HIGHLY unusual. I mean, of course I'm sad. Of course I feel the pain of someone I love being sick. But I guess I can't show it. I can comfort, I can hug, but no tears will fall...and it's not like I'm trying not to cry. It might be nice sometimes. Makes me feel callous not to.

Dear God, don't take him from us yet. We need him.