...because I just signed up for the MCAT in August. There goes $200. Ugh. I decided to do it today because I got paid and I might as well do it now before I lose my nerve. It's probably not so good to feel so wishy-washy about going to med school. I think I will do well, but it's scary! And I don't know exactly what I would do yet...possibly something neuro-related, but I don't know how comfortable I'd feel cutting into someone's brain. But all that neurophysiology/ethology that I did in school (well, took classes for, anyway) was quite interesting and it would possibly let me do research on Alzheimer's or Parkinson's, which my mom tells me I should do. And wouldn't it be great to be the person who finds a cure. Or even part of a cure. I must admit to a certain amount of influence from 'er' and 'grey's anatomy.' And while I know that real life is not like a tv show, I still think those are interesting enough, once you strip away the soap opera.

Then there's the sports medicine/exercise physiology part, which is not so much med school as grad school. But then there would probably be the chance for working with prosthetics or orthotics, possibly getting back into the athletic swing of things...

and there's still that little voice saying, really, you sucked in college so why are you even attempting this? I still wonder if the three years of working will be worth anything. *is full of self-doubt* I would love it so much to get in here at Wash U but that's such a reach. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with a nice inexpensive public school? Noooo, I had to go for one of the most expensive schools in the region. It's sort of scary to think about, what might happen in a year...

I suppose a year from now I'll know if I'll still even be in the state. I will admit a certain apprehensiveness on my part about leaving "home." Because while I value my independence, I really like being near my parents and the things I've known all my life. What can I say? I'm an only child, and I was loved, so I never had to fight for things, didn't feel the need to strike out on my own. That and the fact that both my parents are super cooks.

Guess I should really start studying, huh. Too bad the MCAT book isn't nearly as exciting as . Oy. I'm doomed. *crosses fingers that I'll get the Wash U section on Test Day*

Jen N's wedding tomorrow! *crosses toes that a cute available guy is there*