Overheard on the radio:

A giant is taking questions like: Are you really a giant? Is your wife a giant too?.

Then he gets this one: How does a giant celebrate the Fourth of July?

He says, "I have to get far away from the fireworks, or else I have to duck" (haha) "no, seriously, I love some hotdogs, some hamburgers, and a good mattress sale."

?! I don't even know what mattress store this commercial was for--I was too flabbergasted by the total non sequiteur.

Not so funny: RIP Farrah Fawcett and Jacko's in the hospital following a heart attack. Pop culture just took a major hit.

file under: funny , reallife Posted by Jen at 4:20 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Yesterday we received some lab supplies from a local company that obviously recycles. While I'm glad they reuse their old cardboard boxes, imagine opening a package where you expect boxes of glassware and seeing a box labeled "Biscuits aux fruits" (fruit bars). Not quite what was expected. And yes, we did get what we needed. Just in a strangely labeled box.

Also, the exceedingly complicated vcr/dvd-recorder combo that my parents bought because their old one farted out on them will now record. It records in poor quality, but at least it does something when the REC button is pushed. Which is more than what it did the first time I pressed it... I don't think I'd make a good tech support person. I can usually figure things out on my own, but telling others how to do it is something else. OTOH, my parents really need a computer of their own, and I don't think I'd mind showing them how to work a new iMac

  The Lady Elizabeth, Alison Weir
file under: funny Posted by Jen at 11:35 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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...of procrastination, that is. See below for a good example of what my life is like (without quite so much going to the store, though)...

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 9:52 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Courtesy of my boss, who saw the classified ad...

"Complete set of encyclopedias. Don't need anymore; got married, and wife knows everything."

Here's to learning, eh?

  Unshapely Things, Mark del Franco
file under: funny Posted by Jen at 10:19 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Just in case you're having trouble converting. Click over to xkcd for full size, and because it rules.

  Thunderer, Felix Gilman (debut novel)
file under: funny Posted by Jen at 9:22 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Because it's funny. Because Darths and Droids mentioned it. Because it's baseball season.

In a month I'll be in Colorado for Worldcon. w00t!

  Aurora/Kashmir, Lucia Micarelli (Josh Groban's Awake-Live)

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 10:53 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I am exactly like this.

I swear I will get a new layout up soon.

  Hoist the Colors Suite, Pirates 3 remixes

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 1:33 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I woke up around 5 am this morning because the bed was shaking. At first I thought it was the cat, hiding under my bed all night, finally having enough and making a ruckus to wake me up and let him out. But no, no cat under the bed. He was crouched outside my door, probably rather freaked.

There was an earthquake along the southern Illinois-Indiana border, and we felt it all the way over here. I thought it might be, once I determined the bed-shaking was not the fault of the cat, but I wanted confirmation. Apparently my cognitive skills aren't the best in the middle of the night, so my search for 'earthquake st. louis' didn't immediately yield the right site. Finally found it, and lo, a big red square in the midwest! Very odd.

I've only ever felt one other earthquake, and it was much smaller. I was outside in my parents' backyard, laying on the grass and staring up at the clouds, and I felt a tremor run beneath me. I didn't realize what it was at first (you know, daydreaming, head in the clouds) until my mom asked me if I'd felt anything out there. The news had reported the quake.

I sincerely hope that I never get so used to the feeling that I know exactly what it feels like.

My neck is still hurting after waking up sore yesterday. I don't know what I could have done, but it's not cool. So to make myself feel better, and hopefully make you smile too, a lolcat:

see more crazy cat pics

TGIF!

file under: funny , reallife Posted by Jen at 4:15 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Check out more.

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 11:07 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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It's Talk Like A Pirate Day. Where's the rum?

I was lucky enough to get into the private beta of Mint, and it's really fun. Mint is a personal money manager that can get transaction info right from your bank or credit card so everything's all in one place, and it's secure, so you don't have to worry about losing anything.

Why do it?

• A little financial organization.


• Insight into where their money goes, across all accounts.


• Email & SMS bill reminders and alerts.


• Personalized savings suggestions.


• It's free.

I've got no financial interests to disclose, this is just fun software.

In case you've felt the burning desire to contact me in the past but disdain the use of the comment box, I now have a cell phone. Comment and I will send you the number...as long as I know you Fair warning: it's a prepaid phone that costs money every time I turn it on, so it will mostly be off, and you will get voicemail. However, I will check my voicemail regularly, and the phone will mostly be turned on during weekends.

  The Masque of the Black Tulip, Lauren Willig
file under: funny Posted by Jen at 9:31 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Tuesday night, I met Jim Butcher, author of the Dresden Files and the Codex Alera, and have two books signed by him and actually interacted with the man, and that made me a happy girl. (Until my class presentation partner emailed me a totally changed presentation at 11:30 pm, but that's another story.)

Jim's a really funny guy. And he seems like he cares about his readers. He spent about an hour on Q&A, various insightful questions by readers who obviously care about his stories I was seated right next to him, since I sort of sidled up along the side of a bookshelf so I could set my bookbag down (I was carrying my laptop and a bunch of papers for the presentation. I did *some* work, honest). The speaker for his mic was next to me, so it was a little loud, but not terrible.

I was so proud I had the courage to ask a question. I'm not usually that bold. But he's very approachable. I asked how he comes up with the twists at the end of his books. He answered that what normally happened is that he piles up every bad thing he can on his main character, then figures that he'll get out of it somehow. He sends off chapters to his beta readers (man, what I wouldn't give to be a part of *that* group) and every so often he'll mention, 'see, I *knew* he'd get out of it somehow,' and someone will write back saying, 'you mean you didn't know beforehand?' So I feel better about my stuff if a famous best-selling author doesn't know how his stuff will end either.

There were probably fifty to eighty people there (I'm terrible at estimating, though), so the signing line wasn't too long. I brought White Night and Cursor's Fury and stood behind a lady who works for an internet service provider as a tech. Which I should look into, because more money would be nice. (Though, on the upside, I got a very positive annual review from my boss today, so perhaps a raise is on the horizon?) The lady knew about NaNo, which always amazes me. I have met so many people who don't know what it is that I have a little spiel that I spin out to inform them

When I got up to the table where he was signing, Jim was very nice and said how are you, etc, and I told him thanks for writing the books and that he's an influence on m writing and I've got 65k of a novel I hope to finish this year. And he didn't sound at all exasperated when he told me to make sure that when I finish this one to write the beginning of the next. Which I've already done, actually I hope that when I'm a fancy published writer I can be as generous to my fans as he is to his.

Side note: the neurobio presentation went pretty well, aside from some random technical difficulties. We had a video clip that should theoretically have been embedded in the presentation, but every time the file switched computers, it wouldn't show up. It's not that hard to Insert>>Movie, so I wasn't too worried. I stopped by my lab before class to print out slides and outlines and bibliographies, and I inserted the movie again and did a cursory check over the file. Things seemed fine.

Get to class, check out the file, and lo! the movie works. Cool. Close the file (which was a bad idea, I guess) and when it comes time to actually present, does the movie play? Of course not. No big deal, just play it off the desktop.

The fun part was when, in the middle of the pres, some slides randomly lost their text. All of them were slides with pictures on them, so at least they weren't blank slides, but there's a reason there's text on the slides...to remind you what to say. Luckily my partner had an old printout of slides, so we were able to present *some*thing, but that sure was annoying. I don't think it was a mac-pc conversion issue, because that hadn't happened before, but maybe it was a difference between M$2000 and XP. Most of the slides with missing text hadn't been edited in a few days, so I don't know where the text went. Weird.

I did make a mistake on the identity of a receptor on a slide that lost its text, but I at least figured it out. I think my partner might have introduced more slides than I, but perhaps it was simply that the slides he presented had more information on them, and he read them, slowly, instead of *presenting.* Eh. I answered questions, though, and presented better. I think. I knew more about the slides because I typed most of them up. Hope it showed. Had a few people ask questions where I was able to say, "and that's the next slide," so I had good flow. Nice to know that I can still be good at some design elements.

  And Now We Are Free, Gladiator soundtrack
  Moonshine, Rob Thurman
file under: books , funny , writings Posted by Jen at 5:51 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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In honor of everyone's least favorite day (the title means fear of Friday the 13th), here's a list of phobias that might just crack you up. If you have one of these, I'm very sorry, but some of them are absolutely hilarious. From MSN.

Chromophobia--fear of colors. (How do they watch tv?)
Papaphobia--fear of the pope. (Guess they're not Catholic.)
Scorodophobia--fear of garlic.
Pteronophobia--fear of being tickled with feathers. (LOL, in the middle of the lab)
Ranidaphobia--fear of frogs.
Philematophobia--fear of kissing.
Aulophobia--fear of flutes.
Ostraconophobia--fear of shellfish.
Graphophobia--fear of handwriting. (um, did they type before they wrote?)
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia--fear of long words (seriously).
Blennophobia--fear of slime.
Gerontophobia--fear of old people.
Peladophobia--fear of bald people.
Geropeladophobia--fear of old, bald people.
Phobophobia--fear of developing a fear.

Then there was the woman on the Tyra Banks show who was afraid of Styrofoam, and in order to overcome it, the producers buried a diamond necklace inside a large armoire filled with packing peanuts. She wouldn't go near it for the first five minutes of the show. And of course, when she finally did open the door to start looking, all of them gushed out over her. She did eventually find the necklace, but I don't know if she was cured...

May your day be spectacularly lucky despite any phobias. Go Cards!

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 11:34 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So yesterday we finally got hi-speed internet for the apartment. Joy. But it certainly wasn't without its hassles.

First, we ordered it last week and never got a tracking number for the modem. Since our service was confirmed to be activated yesterday, I started looking at my account over the weekend to see if I could find out what was wrong. I finally realized monday night that for some reason the shipping address, which I'm pretty sure I specified as being the same as the billing address, only had our apartment number and not the street address. I called AT&T tuesday to see what could be done, and see if they had a tracking number for me. Lo and behold it was wrong there too, and of course they had already shipped it (which is good, I suppose, but don't you think someone would have noticed that it had no street number?)

The lady at AT&T (who was very nice, but I don't remember her name) actually called UPS while I was on the phone with her, and the not-so-nice lady there said there was nothing to be done about it at that moment, I would have to call the next day (when it was to be delivered) and change it with the delivery person. Sigh. So I wake myself up early and call the UPS distribution office and (of course) the package is already out for delivery and has been since 4:30 in the morning (according to the tracking number that the AT&T lady nicely provided). I explain my story over again, and *this* woman says I'll have to wait until there's one attempted delivery before they can change it. You might have noticed by now that I am NOT a morning person. And I was already annoyed that the whole thing had gone wonky, so I tried to be nice as I pointed out, "It has NO ADDRESS. How can it be ATTEMPTED if there is NO ADDRESS to deliver to?" "Oh, we have to check with the sender and see if they have it wrong." "The sender knows it's wrong. You know it's wrong. I know it's wrong. Why can't we change it today? The service is coming on today, and I don't want to pay for a day of service that I can't use because you won't try to change the address." "Oh, alright, I'll call AT&T and make sure this is right, and I'll attempt to call the deliveryperson."

Sigh. Thank goodness. They were supposed to call me at work to confirm that it was going to the right place, but they didn't, of course. I eventually called back to check, and lo and behold, it had arrived! The UPS guy must have thought my roommate was very popular since she had gotten packages (for me, natch) two days in a row.

So. We got the modem. Try to set it up, but the unhelpful folder containing the setup cd doesn't mention the fact that registration won't go through unless your default browser is Internet Exploder (misspelling intended), which both I and the roommate, owning Macs, don't use. So we called AT&T, who was helpful and led us to the setup page (in IE, boo) so we could finish. Why couldn't the folder say, This registration requires IE. If you cannot use IE, please point your browser to.... Would have saved us a lot of trouble.

Okay! Fast internet, as long as you're plugged in. My roommate had a wireless router from her previous apartment, and it had been working, with a small snafu: the setup page was in Italian. Since neither of us speak more Italian than Ciao you can see how this would be a problem. I might have gone for the internet search route first, but my roomie called Linksys, and after about 15 minutes of trying to explain our problem to the tech guy from India (who was obviously just reading off a sheet) it finally got through to him that a) our setup page was in Italian and therefore we had no idea which button to click and b) we were using Macs which technically aren't supported by Linksys (which is stupid, because the setup is EXACTLY THE SAME, just with a different OS look)...

The guy goes, "The setup page is in Italian?"
Us: "Yes, that's what we've been saying."

(Pause. A really long pause)

Him: "JESUS CHRIST!"

Which we both found hilarious. We totally stumped the tech guy, AND made him curse. So eventually we figure out which buttons to press, and we rename the router and configure it. Lo and behold, there is a wireless network! I can connect to it! So can anyone else! Therefore we must change the password.

He wanted us to use our phone number, which we both thought was silly, so we started thinking up combinations of our name and other numbers, etc, and they didn't work. He just kept telling us to use the phone number. Finally we got an error saying it needed a hex code or something, so I asked, "oh, does it have to be numeric?" And he said yes, as if he had been saying that all along, which he hadn't. What would have been so hard about saying, "use your phone # or other numeric code"? Sigh. We ended up using the phone number because we knew we could change it later.

BUT...

Somewhere between renaming the router and changing the password, it all went away. And we couldn't get it back. The guy kept telling us to go to the website and download things, which we couldn't do since everything was messed up. It ended with my roomie hanging up on the guy, unfortunately, and the router won't work now. I tried to reflash the firmware, but I don't think it went through. Ugh.

(ETA: one week later) The kicker of this is that there have been wireless networks floating around the apartment for years. It seems that there is at least one other Linksys router out there, and I think, somehow, we managed to change the settings on THAT router and not our own. I think this, because long after the router was disconnected to anything remotely resembling power or internet, the network we had named was still out there, but unconnectable. And to make it even more fun, one time when I was DIRECTLY connected to our router, the setup page connected us to somone else's router!

(ETA: October 1, 2006) Roomie had friends in town for her birthday, and the guy said the router was probably dead. Sigh. Roomie might try to get a refund since it's not that old, but I don't hold out much hope. I guess we can try getting another one on eBay or sth, because it's rather annoying to know that I could have gotten the network adaptor package and theoretically this wouldn't have happened. we didn't get it because she had the router...hopefully we can get it fixed soon.

And if you managed to read all that, have a cookie.

file under: funny , rants , webetcetera Posted by Jen at 9:50 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So tired today. So it's nice to laugh. I have no idea what I'm doing this weekend. Too bad I can't be spontaneous and take a trip over to KC for the renaissance festival. Sigh.

Bad jokes courtesy of faecrafter.

 This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
And the pirate says...
Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'!"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says, "It's Not Unusual."

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet
him 50 bucks that he couldn't rea! ch the meat off the
top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

15. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

18. Polish joke: A Polish immigrant goes to the Michigan Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license. He has to take an Eye Test. The optician shows him a card with the letters , 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'.
"Can you read this?", the optician asks.
"Read it?" the Polish man replies, "I know the guy!"

19. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.

20. What colour are hiccups? Burple.

  The Dark Queen, Susan Carroll
file under: funny Posted by Jen at 4:24 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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...but that's partly because I did massive situps and crunches on monday night after not having done any for oh, months years and my abs are tight sore. Seriously. You Will Laugh Your Ass Off. Caution, strong language.

Occupation: Girl - Troy in Fifteen Minutes
Excerpts:

Paris is practicing archery on a nice straw man nailed up to the wall. He hits bulls-eye after bulls-eye.

HELEN: Wow, I had no idea you were so good at this.

PARIS: Neither did I. Weird, isn't it? And I really want lembas now.

HELEN: What?

~~

ACHILLES: Briseis!

BRISEIS: Achilles!

PARIS: *shoots Achilles in the heel*

BRISEIS: NOOOOOO!

PARIS: *gets his Legolas on, shoots Achilles 15 more times*

BRISEIS: PARIS, NOOOOOOOOOO!

PARIS: OH MY GOD, I FINALLY DO SOMETHING GOOD AND PEOPLE STILL YELL AT ME!

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 4:23 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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eBay item 4146756343 (Ends 28-Apr-04 18:37:01 EDT) - SIZE 12 WEDDING DRESS/GOWN NO RESERVE

One of my VE supporters sent me the link to this. I hope it's still up by the time you see it. But I laughed my tail off. Enjoy!

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 5:23 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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So the other night after my mom's art show we were watching one of Ellen's HBO comedy specials, and just about all of it was frickin' hilarious. But there was one meandering thought that just made me bust out laughing, and I had to write it down because I knew I would forget it, and I knew I wanted to share it with you fine folks

"Sometimes I think fashion designers are just seeing what they can make us wear. I'm talking about, you know, the sarong and the sari--I think they're the same thing, but if they're not, I'm 'sarong' and 'sari' ...

Get it? 'So wrong' and 'sorry'?

Yeah. I thought it was funny.

I wonder if she has dvds? Or maybe it's only funny the first time around. Who knows.

x-posted at my LJ.

oy. too bad I don't have st. patrick's day off. it's going to be busy. But possibly I'll go have fun with the gals at a pub somewhere later that night. And isn't it great when I have a VLDL and 2 OGTTs in one day? I don't care if you know what those mean...it just means a heckuva lot of work for me.

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 5:59 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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I laughed. You will too.

Nutcases cheer during the Oscars, no matter what...

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 12:02 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Back in this post I told you how entering the words "miserable failure" (with quotes) and hitting the "I'm feeling lucky" button at google.com would take you to GWB's bio at whitehouse.gov. Unfortunately that doesn't quite work anymore, but the BBC reported on it and you can see why. But funny as hell when it worked.

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 3:36 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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AOL desires to control the world

And take everyone's money

So IM for free

Can never be,

Thus IM Express is crummy

Leo will either love me or hate me. Not sure which. But Alex pronounced it good, and I must concur. Have a laugh.

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 1:49 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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(disclaimer: I think you should make resolutions, but I thought this was worth making you laugh...and besides, I never keep mine anyway)

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less. Makes you think.

4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

6. Not date any of the Baywatch cast.

7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.

8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to

see the largest ball of twine.

9. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

11. Not have eight children at once.

12. Get in a whole NEW rut!

13. Start being superstitious.

14. Personal goal: bring back disco.

15. Not wrestle with Jesse Ventura.

16. Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings.

17. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.

18. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.

19. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.

20. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or

rope for a belt.

Happy Birthday dear cousin Nick, and if I don't talk to my faithful readers out there (yeah right) have a happy New Year!

btw, I wrote some more of moonstone today. And I have to try to see TTT again before the New Year as I didn't realize my two free tickets from the SE FotR dvd expire tomorrow. argh. Anyway. Enjoy yourself! Don't drink and drive, and be happy

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 5:56 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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This is obviously geared to guys and we've already discussed how I am not really an engineer, I'm only one-third engineer (1. Bio 2. Medical 3. Engineering), but it is kind of sad which ones still apply. A point for you if you can figure out which ones.

Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

The salespeople at Radio Shack can't answer any of your questions.

You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.

You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

You know what http:// stands for.

You see a good design and still have to change it.

You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.

You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.

You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.

Your laptop computer costs more than your car.

Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.

You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.

You've already calculated how much you make per second.

file under: funny , thoughts Posted by Jen at 10:52 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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Here's your treat: Boo!

and to make you laugh:

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...

The man began to run towards his home, and the coffin bounced quickly after him, faster...faster...BUMP ...BUMP ...BUMP. He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked the door behind him. However, the coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin flapping...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP... on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locked himself inside. His heart was pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door and came slowly towards him. The man screamed and reached for something, anything...All he could find was a box of cough drops!

Desperate, he threw the cough drops at the coffin ......and...of...course,...the coffin stopped!

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 12:30 PM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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These are actual bloopers from church bulletins... from Joke-of-the-Day email:

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 10:34 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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courtesy of my email...

file under: funny Posted by Jen at 10:13 AM | Permalink MTIfCommentsActive>|

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A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House," in French, is feminine-"la maison."

"Pencil," in French, is masculine-"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"

The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Of course we did.

and I'm really pissed off right now that I can't get this mp3 off a zip disk cause for some reason the comp that I copied it off of screwed up the disk so it can't be read on either comp at home. Stupid disk.

and I'm almost dreading going into work. I don't want to quit, cause I know I can do this, but KC is very much a perfectionist. And she's driven home how much I can't do basic math. I realize the irony of a graduated biomedical engineer who has trouble with algebra, but such is my life. And I hate it. It seems that every day now I've been criticized and it's tough to deal with. I guess I have a thin skin. And I think I've said too much...

I laugh, I cry. amin irma na edhel.

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