Author: etoiline

uncle johnnie loved the rain

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which is fitting, I suppose, because it rained during his funeral. Today, I cried. Hot tears that hurt as the forced their way past my lashes. Too many people were hurting to not be empathetic. My mom was shaking so hard I was scared something would happen to her. And Nick…he just stands there like a talk dark shape and just looks heartsick. I can’t even imagine how Aunt Roberta feels, with her empty bed.
But I know he was loved. The visitation last night lasted four hours and it had to. There were people there the whole time. Nick’s friends from school came. Old teachers came. Friends from his work. From his older work. He touched so many lives.
I believe…that my life’s gonna see…the love I give…returned to me…
and you know how strong emotion can lead to excessive creativity?
What’s the weather like in heaven?
I bet it’s always perfect.
Down here it’s raining.
But you loved the rain, so maybe that’s perfect too.
I hope one day to meet you there, and we’ll have more to talk about than the weather.
of coures, to be talking to you at all would be all I need.
I can’t check the weather in heaven–
but I hope you can see the stars.
Keep an eye on our weather.
you know it likes to change.
and wehn the sun comes out again,
we’ll know you’re smiling at us.
I think I’ll go play in the rain.
I miss you, Uncle Johnnie. We all do.
{Ed. Note: this is last friday’s entry. x-posted from my LJ because my server was down last week. Deal.}

I’m feeling a little angry today

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Today is my uncle’s memorial. It’ll also be a rather busy day, which sucks. Hopefully I’ll be able to leave in time to make it to the funeral parlor. I don’t even like to think about that. But I noticed that I was annoyed at little things on the way to work. And someone nearly rear-ended me during the drive. Wouldn’t that have been a great way to start the morning.
Does it make me a bad person that one of the first things I thought about after I was told that he died was, who’s going to do the website? It’s terrible. At least I feel a little better because I wasn’t the only one thinking of that. Luckily we were able to figure out who hosted my mom’s site (and the gallery site that my mom, aunt and uncle were going to set up) and hopefully there is some way we can get them to give us the information so we can keep them going.
sigh. I guess I should get on that busy work day…I’m already late as it is.

maybe if I say it enough I’ll believe it

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I don’t feel like typing it again, but if you want to know why this week has been depressing, check out my journal and my livejournal.

I just can’t believe it. I don’t understand why it had to happen. But I know he’s better off.

Johnnie Franklin Asher

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Rest in peace.
My uncle is dead. I’ve repeated that to myself so many times today you’d think that I could believe it. But I don’t. People in our family don’t die. He was the youngest of my grandparents’ children, only 48. Always the one with a joke filled with dry humor or a funny face during thanksgiving dinner.
Forgive me if I take a quote from the Two Towers, after seeing my grandparents:
No parent should have to bury their child.
He was there and then he wasn’t. He was never fine, after the pancreatic islet cell cancer was diagnosed, but he wasn’t gone. He was still joking about how horrible the food was at the hospital and as soon as he got off the clear liquid diet he wanted some strawberries and cream Edy’s ice cream with some Famous Amos cookies. I asked him which kind and he said, oh, get ’em all.
Into the West made me cry.
Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
The night is falling
You have come to journey’s end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore
Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You’re only sleeping
What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home
And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
All Souls pass
Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time
Don’t say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again
And you’ll be here in my arms
Just sleeping
Chorus
And all will turn
To silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West

I’m so silly, aren’t I? And yet again, I don’t seem to have tears. Why don’t I believe it? I felt for sure that he would wake up and say, ha, it’s all a joke. He had the equivalent of nearly three people’s blood in him sunday/monday night alone.
They’re going to donate his corneas. Someone else will be able to see because of him.
*bawl*
Thank you for the hugs and well wishes. It means more than you know.
Say a prayer for Aunt Roberta and Nick for me. And Grandma and Grandpa, and Mom and Aunt Carol…he affected so many lives. Keep watch over us, ok? we love you, we miss you.

snaggage from Meg

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…who snagged it from May.

1)Spell your name with bands…

Jars of Clay

E.S. Posthumus

Nirvana (bleh)

No Doubt (also bleh. really don’t like them)

Incubus (not doing too well here)

Five for Fighting

Evanescence

REM

2) Have you ever had a song written about you?

Not me personally…but there are a few songs about people with my name 😉

3) What song makes you cry?

Well, just recently, Into the West. Songs don’t normally make me cry. Sometimes Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me.”

4) What song makes you happy?

Just about anything John Mayer.

5) What do you like to listen to before bed?

whatever has been in the player all day at work

6) What’s your name?

Doesn’t this mean you should have read question #1?

7) Do you know if your name means anything?

White Wave/Phantom, from the Welsh

8)Would you change your name, if given the chance?

Possibly to something a little less common…but I like the way my name works together.

9) Do people ever mispronounce or misspell your name?

Not my first name, usually (though I’ll get the occasional Jeniffer) but my last name just confuses the hell out of people.

10) Have you ever made up a memory trick for your name?

Um. You people out there who need a trick to remember your own name, I’m sorry for you.

11) What’s your nickname?

Jen, or my last name.

12) Did you make it up, or did everyone just start calling you it?

People always called me Jenny. Then as I got older it seemed better to be Jen, which I guess people figured out. My parents still call me Jenny. Ever since I was on the softball team people in sports call me by my last name. It’s just easier that way when there are other Jens on the team. I didn’t like it though. I want people to know my name! Silly, I know.

13) Do you like it?

I don’t really mind. If someone’s asking for me with my full name they’re either my parents, a professional at work, or a telemarketer.

14) Does it mean anything?

I think you can all figure out where Jen comes from…now, if you call me Cal you’re pretty special and you know how I got that nick.

15) What do you think the prettiest girl’s name is?

Arienne. I’m not so good at girls names.

16) The prettiest boy’s name?

Jonathan.

17) What do you think the ugliest name is?

Elutitia

18) Are simple, common names better than beautiful, long, foreign names?

how about short beautiful foreign names? Those are great.

19) Do names like “Squibibibile” and “Lala” and “Cokie” annoy you?

As long as no one professional hears about it, no.

20) Is your name really common?

#1 girls name for 10 years the year I was born. But my parents didn’t know that when they named me.

21) Have you ever met anyone else with your name?

*duh*

22) Have you met anyone else with your initials?

I think so. Most of the Jennifers I knew had the same first two initials.

23) Do your names fit you?

Seems like it.

24) Have you ever wondered what your parents were on when they named you?

At least they didn’t name me after a sneeze. I think they did pretty well.

25) Were they actually on anything?

Absolutely not.

26) Do you enjoy naming things?

Eh. not really

27) Does your computer have a name?

no

28) Have you ever named something as stupid as a yogurt?

um. *resounding no*

29) Do you name all your stuffed animals?

As I only have one right now, yes. Reddy the teddy bear.

30) Have you ever whacked someone for spelling your name wrong?

no, no whacking has occurred. Especially since most of the misspellings come in the mail. Hard to send a whacking by mail.

31) Do you tend to give everyone nicknames?

Only if they tell me to.

32) Do people know they’re your friend once you’ve given them a nickname?

er. possibly that I’m just in a hurry and can’t say the whole thing 😉

Orlando is good for english class–and on a more sombre note

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Or at least my literature-reading betterment. I just finished Ned Kelly (aka Our Sunshine, the book that the eponymous movie is based on) and I’m starting the Iliad today. Yes, I am reading an ancient classic for fun. I’ll try to, anyway. Alex says I’ll like it. And you know the reason I read or will read these books is because there’s a hot guy called Orlando Bloom in the movies…so now I have a glorious face to put with the characters 😉 Yes, I know, it’s a silly reason to read lit books but hey. I’ve got to get excited about something.
Btw: Ned Kelly is a really good book. It took me half a day to finish only because I spent three hours and twenty minutes yesterday seeing Return of the King for the fourth time. Yes folks, it’s true, I have now been in a theater for thirteen hours and twenty minutes because I love that movie so much. I reserved my copy of RotK on dvd this weekend (along with spending lots and lots of money at the mall–bad jen!) and I’ll get an exclusive Aragorn figurine on may 25 when I go pick it up. That date can’t come too soon. Unlike Leo I can watch movies over and over and over again 😉 And in case you’re wondering…yes, it’s still good. Even if Legolas is Captain Obvious. I’ve heard he’ll have more (meaningful) lines in the extended edition (which is still (!) scheduled for a Christmas release ;-P).
And on a much different note. My uncle as you may or may not know has been battling pancreatic cancer for a goodly while now, and my mom just told me that it’s gotten worse. So if you’re the praying type I’d really appreciate your help. And go out and give blood because he’s used up about ten people’s so far.
You can tell it took me a while to get this whole entry down. I called my mom in the middle of it. Funny how you can go from rather content to pretty depressed so quickly.

An Ode to the Amino Acids

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(by Eric Vesper, taken from a girl on the track team’s im profile)
The simplest of acids has got to be Glycine
And if it’s a long one, it’s probably Lysine
Alanine’s simple, its has just one methyl
Valine is bigger; it’s one methylethyl
And Aspartic Acid has one CH2 there
But if it’s Glutamic, why then there are two there
Tryptophan, Tyrosine both have their rings
And, too, Phenylalanine, one of those things
If you like hydroxyls then Serine’s your chain
And, if that one’s taken, Threonine remains
Arginine has an abundance of N’s
Just like Asparagine (Glutamine’s friend)
Cysteine has sulfur, pK eight-point-three
Methionine’s sulfur binds with CH3
Histidine flip-flops when mildly acid
Leucine is bulky and also quite placid
Then there’s Isoleusine, which branches quite early
And finally Proline, whose structure’s quite squirrelly.
So if it’s an acid whose name is one we know
Chances are good the acid’s amino

August

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Loves to joke

Attractive

Suave and caring

Brave and fearless

Firm and has leadership qualities

Knows how to console others

Too generous and egoistic

Takes high pride of oneself

Thirsty for praises

Extraordinary spirit

Easily angered

Angry when provoked

Easily jealous

Observant

Careful and cautious

Thinks quickly and rationally

Independent thoughts

Loves to lead and to be led

Loves to dream

Talented in the arts, music and defense

Sensitive but not petty

Poor resistance against illnesses

Learns to relax

Hasty and rushy

Romantic Loving and caring

Loves to make friends

My month’s characteristics, apparently. Some I highly agree with (talent in arts 😉 ) and others I don’t (poor resistance against illnesses?) but ain’t that always da way. Thanks, Leo.