Why am I afraid?

2010 Chinese New Year: Year of the Tiger

Image by Photo Maiden via Flickr

Wow, I haven’t posted anything in a long time. I haven’t been inspired. I’m not really now, either, but I figured I should post at least once this year 😉
Mike thinks I’m afraid of writing. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m afraid of what would happen when I finally finish a novel. What on earth would I do then? I don’t know. The unknown is frightening and all that…It’s the Year of the Tiger. Isn’t that supposed to inspire courage? Yes, according to this site: “This courageous and fiery fighter is admired by the ancient Chinese as the sign that keeps away the three main tragedies of a household. These are fire, thieves and ghosts.” Let’s have none of those, please. Let’s be brave and write together, shall we?
(ETA, this site says in the chinese zodiac, monkeys are the “erratic geniuses.” If that’s not me, I don’t know what is.)
I finally bought Scrivener, with my NaNo 09 winner discount, so now I really need to use it. I’ve even got some ideas for the next few chapters. And I could start adding my previous (mostly all unfinished) to Scrivener and use its nifty features to figure out how I can get them done. I really want to be a writer, I do. But my motivation is non-existent. I’ve got to get over that. Really.
Will someone hold me to the writing? I always say I want more money. Well, writing wouldn’t get me much, but it would be more.

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One thought on “Why am I afraid?

  1. your former roomie

    It’s hard to have motivation sometimes. And it’s not easy to not be afraid. Sometimes fear paralyzes, and it’s tough to get past the fear that paralyzes or to channel it into fear that motivates.
    I want to translate, but I find it hard to get over the anxiety I get when I think about it. I can’t be talked into working towards it, or guilted by others into working towards it. It’s only once I’ve gotten my own anxieties out of my system that I seem to be able to do anything. Then, it’s mostly dissatisfaction of the present – I don’t want stasis – that pushes me forward. But even then, it’s only rote that will eventually yield something that encourages me.

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