You've probably seen this before...but since May so nicely provided it for me, I thought I'd share it with you. Kind of sad how many apply to me 
1. You get pulled over by a cop, and when he is
writing you a ticket, he asks you for your name and
you respond: "Tell me your name officer, then I
shall tell you mine."
2. If someone tries to get by you, you turn and
exclaim loudly: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
3. When you check your email, you start speaking to
Sauron.... After all, your computer is your
Palantír! Just hope no one throws it down the
stairs....
4. When you hear a knock at the door, you look around suspicously and mumble: "They are coming...."
5. When you are surfing the web, you get another
annoying pop-up window, and you rub your chin and
say to yourself: "What is this new devilry?"
6. You come to Math class on the day of the finals
and mutter under your breath: "You find more cheer
in a graveyard!"
7. You call the ugliest person that you know
"Smeagol," and when he/she replies: "What are you
smoking?" You say: "The finest weed in the
Southfarthing."
8. You go to the local old folks home to visit mom,
and you see an old, decrepid, elderly man sitting on
a chair. Thinking quickly, you grab a nearby staff,
hold out your hand, close your eyes, and say: "From
my power, I release you!"
9. You run through a load of pigeons, shouting:
"Fly, you fools!"
10. You change your answering machine message to:
"This is the Dark Lord Sauron! Give me a ring!"
11. Next Olymics, when the torch bearer enters, you
jump up and shout: "Kill him, Legolas! Kill him!"
12. You explain to your children/little sibling that
"The Three Billy Goats Gruff" were really trying to
cross the Bridge of Khazad-Dum to the greener
pastures of Lothlorien.
13. You refuse to go anywhere unless plans are made
at least a week in advance. Any sooner would just be
too hasty.
14. You walk into your local bakery and ask for two
loaves of lembas bread.
15. You've read all three books more than ten times.
16. You've kept it hidden and safe.
17. You've turned you back on your faithful tv and
now watch the palantir.
18. Since you've seen the first one of the three
LOTR movies you're listening to Enya all day long.
19. You think it is a strange fate that we should
suffer so much fear and doubt for so small a thing.
20. Words like "Yrch" make sense to you.
21. You dedicate all your free time to learning
Sindarin or another Tolkien language.
22. You know when Durin IV lived.
23. You've become strangely obsessed with mushrooms.
24. Whenever you close a door, you say "They have a
cave troll!"
25. When you come to a dead end you're still
convinced that the road goes ever on and on.
26. There's a sign on your door saying "Speak Friend
and enter!"
27. Whenever you get a chance, you burst into song.
Preferably one that has more than 20 verses.
28. The only map you can read is the one of Middle
Earth.
29. You're starting to make strange hissing noises
when you speak and call all your possessions "my
precious".
30. You change your name by deed poll to a Tolkien
character and seriously consider naming your
children after LOTR characters.
31. You have more than thirty sets of the books -
and several are in languages you can't read.
32. You buy the bookmark with "the one ring" tied to
the tassel, and then wear the ring around and
pretend to be invisible.
33. Every time you see birds in the sky you have the
urge to say "Fly you fools!"
34. When someone knocks on your door you grab them,
pull them inside and ask "Are you frightened?... Not
nearly frightened enough!"
35. You try to walk on top of snow like the elves
do.
36. You think about getting toupees for your feet.
37. You have made up names for all the nameless
characters in the movie, like various hobbits at
Bilbo's party or the elves at the Council of Elrond.
38. You are able to reenact the whole movie in
character.
39. Your computer's screensaver is a marquee
reading, "Ennyn Durin atan Moria: pedo mellon a
mino" and the password is actually "mellon".
40. You print out the whole movie script and
religiously study it.
41. You've highlighted all your favorite parts of
the books, and your highlighter has ran out of ink.
42. You have a special clock that always tells you
how many days, hours, and minutes are still left
until the next part of the movies opens in theaters.
43. You find yourself taking many detours and
shortcuts
44. The last five times you went to see the movie,
you only went to see the preview trailer.
45. All day you hear words such as 'habit' and
'going', in your mind as 'hobbit' and 'Gollum'.
46. Whenever you see a tree you give it a hug and
say "Hail Treebeard!".
47. You grow long hair and tie it back, and prance
around delicately - and you are male.
48. You get someone to shoot you with 3 arrows, just
so you can reenact Boromir's death scene.
49. You start to put 'elvish' down as your religion.
50. You cannot see a beer without blurting out "It
comes in pints? I'm getting one!"
51. You manage to bring the words 'hobbits' and
'Mirkwood' into every sentence.
52. Your friends instantly know you are going to say
something about LotR even before you open your
mouth.
53. You get a long blond wig and give yourself an
elvish name.
54. You see a carrot and can't help but think of
Merry.
55. You learn all 25 pages of Very Secret Diary off
by heart and say phrases from them at all times (And
after he found a carrot that was just the right
shape...)
56. You just can't keep yourself from saying "nobody
tosses a Dwarf" at inappropriate moments.
57. You point out one word differences between
speech in the film and in the book.
58. You notice everyone else goes "aaaahhh" at the
same time when Legolas gets off his horse.
59. You're certain that tiny bits have changed since
the eighth time you've seen the movie.
60. You have organized your bookmarks into
subcategories "elvish" and "Legolas".
61. You devote free time to drawing sketches of LotR
characters from the various posters around your
room, then realise you don't need the poster, you
know the faces off by heart.
62. A shadow and a threat is growing in your mind.
63. You stayed up 'til 5am watching the Oscars and
threw things at the screen when Ron Howard/Russell
Crowe/Jennifer Connelly appeared.
64. You go to lordoftherings.net and spend hours
refreshing the page, just to hear the actors say
"Hello, I'm Elijah Wood (or whatever). Welcome to
lordoftherings.net"
65. You start saying "a star shines on the hour of
our meeting."
66. You're determined to refresh lordoftherings.net
until you discover how to pronounce 'Viggo'.
67. You have more than 20 LotR sites in your
browser's favourites.
68. You are attracted to all people with long blond
hair regardless of their sex.
69. You begin to cry when someone tells you it's
just a book and a movie.
70. You start digging for mithril.
71. You see birds flying towards you and shout
"Crebain from Dunland!", then tell everyone to hide
72. You shamelessly wear LOTR clothes and try to
convince trees and animals that you are actually an
elf.
73. You refuse to date because you're afraid you'll
fall in love and have to give up your immortality.
74. Your swearing vocabulary consists of "A Eru",
"Elbereth Gilthoniel" and "urca"
73. If you see anyone with a ring you order them to
give it to Frodo and become violent when they don't.
74. You've started forging the Great Rings and try
to give them to 3 beautiful people, 7 short people,
9 power hungry people and one seriously evil person.
75. When people go against your will you warn them
that you are not a conjurer of cheap tricks.
76. You've started stealing vegetables with your
shortest, most Scottish friends.
77. You've started trying to convince orcs and
goblins to breed, with flowers and candlelit
dinners.
78. You had nine dogs named after each member of the
Fellowship. After the death of Boromir, you only had
eight dogs.
79. You are constantly asking the trees in your yard
if they've found the Entwives yet.
80. Every September 22nd, you throw a birthday party
for Bilbo and Frodo.
81. When someone asks you your name, you respond
with "I am _ son (Or daughter) of ___."
82. You named your cubicle "Helm's Deep" and brag
that no one has ever broken through
83. Whenever you do something wrong, you blame it on
Isildur's bane.
84. You have friends over for dinner and only serve
one piece of Lembas bread.
85. You refuse to give your kids vitamins because
you want them to be hobbit-size forever.
86. When your car breaks down, instead of calling
someone for help, you wait for the Eagle Lord to
swoop down and save you.
87. You put Rogaine on your toes and feet.
88. You call your best friend "Sam". He gets
annoyed and says that his name is Peter, and he
won't talk you if you call him Sam again.
89. When a friend tells you that your love for
Legolas is becoming dangerous, you tell her you're
marrying him in a month.
90. You throw all your mom's rings to the fire
trying to see if one of them is the One ring.
Oh yeah, and Punxatauney Phil (the groundhog) saw his shadow, so we're supposed to have another six weeks of winter. Even though it was near 70 deg F yesterday. Go fig. Gotta love StL weather.
file under:
