Year: 2002

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Dottie Henson: It just got too hard.

Jimmy Dugan: It’s supposed to be hard. If it weren’t hard, everyone would do it. It’s the hard that makes it great.

—A League of Their Own

This is my mom’s favorite quote for me. And it’s true. It applies to everything. Track, school, whatever. I need to remember it.

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Crazy Quotes

Our strength is that we don’t have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don’t have any real strengths.

— Frank Broyles, college football coach

Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.

— Doug Collins, basketball commentator

I wanted all my ducks in a row so if we did get into a posture we could pretty much slam-dunk this thing and put it to bed.

— Lee Cooke, mayor of Austin, TX, abusing cliches

Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.

— Duffy Daugherty, football coach and sports analyst

A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.

— Samuel Goldwyn

Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.

— Hong Kong dental advertisement

He was probably our greatest living painter — until he died.

— LBC British Television News

How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby.

— Manufacturer

The people don’t take baths and they don’t speak English. No golf courses, no room service. Who needs it?

— Jim McMahon, NFL football quarterback, on Europe

Can’t act. Can’t sing. Balding. Can dance a little.

— MGM summary of a screen test by some guy named Fred Astaire

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(Sorry for all the caps. I hate ’em too, didn’t write this. Not my fault, too tired to change ’em.)

If I Could Catch A Rainbow

IF I COULD CATCH A RAINBOW

I WOULD DO IT JUST FOR YOU,

AND SHARE WITH YOU ITS BEAUTY

THE DAYS YOU’RE FEELING BLUE.

IF I COULD BUILD A MOUNTAIN

YOU COULD CALL YOUR VERY OWN

A PLACE TO FIND SERENITY

A PLACE TO BE ALONE.

IF I COULD TAKE YOUR TROUBLES

I WOULD TOSS THEM IN THE SEA,

BUT ALL THESE THINGS I’M FINDING

ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME.

I CANNOT BUILD A MOUNTAIN

OR CATCH A RAINBOW FAIR,

BUT LET ME BE WHAT I KNOW BEST

A FRIEND THAT’S ALWAYS THERE.

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Happy Valentine’s Day

I need a man. Why don’t I have a boyfriend? It makes me sad to think that I haven’t been kissed all through college. I hear about people hooking up and I’m like, what’s a hook up? I wouldn’t know. No one wants to hook up with me. . . *sigh*

Billy would be nice. He’s taken, of course. Ross, wonderful, still clueless as to his availability. Todd, you know, the freshman crush, and yet he’s going out with a distance runner. How weird is life? And apparently Chris is still thinking of me. I don’t know what to think of the opposite sex. I know that I would be the perfect girlfriend. No one else does, evidently.